summer child // joshler

9

tyler's point of view

"im boooored," i complain, staring up at josh's ceiling yet again. we've been hanging out pretty much every other day.

"it's barely been a month. we still have two left of summer and you're already bored?"

"we haven't done anything!" i raise my arms and then let them fall down to the bed again. my hand accidentally brushes against josh's. i leave it there.

"alright," he sits up, leaning back against the wall (which means his hand isn't touching mine anymore [which brings me a small sting of sadness for some reason]), "what do you want to do then?"

i look up at him and when he looks down at me to make eye contact, i look away. "i don't know."

"if you don't know, you can't complain that you're bored. you have to have some sort of suggestion."

"we could go to a movie?"

"what's playing?"

"there's that new one with will ferrell," i point out.

"that looked so dumb though," he says. i can feel him still looking down at me.

"that's half the appeal," i retort, still looking away.

i get josh to agree eventually and i end up driving us to the theater for the next showing. when we walk in and take our seats, i look around and get a sinking feeling in my stomach.

all around us are groups of friends and several couples. sharing popcorn, holding hands, having whispered conversations while the previews play on the screen.

i wish i had that. i wish i had a group of friends who actually cared about me. i don't even really want a girlfriend, which is something all of the basketball team (and even i myself) finds kinda strange. i just have no interest in any of the girls in our school. but i'd still at least like to have friends.

there's even a couple families here. my dad never took me to the movies, not once. he never took me anywhere really. it's still weird to think that he doesn't live with us anymore, that he has his own separate life now. i want to wonder if he misses me, but i know he doesnt.

all i have right now is josh, and even josh has other friends. i've seen him sitting with them at lunch at school. they'd smile and laugh together about things i was always too far away to overhear. i'm sure he'll give up on me soon and go back to them.

a new thought arises while my mind is stuck on josh, one i hadn't even considered before now.

does he have a girlfriend? i don't think i've seen him with any girls around school other than the one who sits at his lunch table occasionally, but she's dating one of the other boys that sits there. at least i think so.

another part of me thinks it's more likely that, if he's in a relationship at all, it's with a boy. the idea makes me feel a whole new type of anxious. i try visualize him with a boyfriend. i see them hugging, kissing, laughing. i see a calloused hand tugging at josh's hair.

fuck, i feel nauseous.

i try to push back my spiraling long enough to watch the movie, but all i can think about the whole time is how badly i'd like to hold josh's hand myself and why i feel that way.

-

after the movie, we go back to my house. i lead josh to my room and sit on the floor to reach under my bed and pull out a small box.

"what is that?" josh asks, sitting at the edge of my mattress.

i sit up and open it facing him so he can see what's inside. "roof?"

josh stares at it for a moment, apprehensive. after a second, he nods and i lead him out to my backyard where we climb up to the part of my roof that's almost flat and sit across from each other.

josh watches as i prepare the joint, his hands in his lap. "i've never smoked before."

"really? i mean, you don't have to. i don't have to either if you're uncomfortable. i like watching the sunsets up here too, which sounds kind of lame, but we could just sit and talk if you want," i pause what i'm doing and look to him to see if he wants me to stop.

"no, it's okay. i'll try it. first time for everything, right?" he smiles, just a little.

"don't worry. i can help you. you'll be fine," i finish rolling and then smile back, hoping it's at least somewhat comforting.

"i trust you."

(an: i didnt feel the need to tw weed or alcohol like in the party chapter but if either of those bother anyone i can put a warning for them in future chapters! there's not a ton of either in the story but i want to make sure everyone stays safe <3)