summer child // joshler

42

tyler's point of view

i'm washing dishes in the back of the restaurant, my sleeves pushed up and my headphones in.

my mom was pissed that i had to work on christmas eve. it's not like i wanted to, i just forgot to ask off. pizza rests for no one, apparently.

the dishes are the last thing on my to-do list though, so i should be able to head home soon.

i glance up at the clock and sigh when i see that it's past ten. i rush through the rest of the dishes and dry my hands, walking back to the front where my manager is closing up the cash register.

"alright, i'm done. i'm gonna head home now if that's okay?"

he turns to me and nods. "yep. have a merry christmas, tyler. thanks for coming in."

"merry christmas to you too, sir." i wave goodbye and head out to my car, untying my apron and tossing it in my passenger seat.

i crank the heat up and pull out of the parking space, driving home with my headlights and the radio to keep me company.

i'm supposed to see josh when i get back and i'm extremely nervous about giving him the present i bought for him. i'm so worried he won't like it and that he'll be too afraid to tell me. i know him enough that i should definitely be able to tell by the expression he'll make when he opens it, but that almost makes it worse for my anxiety.

when i eventually get home, i shower and change into comfier clothes before sneaking out of my window. a light layer of snow covers the ground and i walk carefully to avoid slipping over the few patches of ice.

i knock softly on the glass and he opens it for me, waiting as i climb in. he hugs me as soon as soon as i finish closing the window. it feels nice to be wrapped up in his arms, the warmth i feel from him spreading all throughout my body and into my chest.

he pulls away and kisses me once. "hi." he smiles at me.

"hey, j." i smile back at him but can't bring my heart rate to slow any.

"come here." he picks a box up from his desk and then sits on his bed, patting the space next to him for me to sit. "you first."

i get up onto his bed and leave the box for his gift in my pocket for the time being. he hands me my gift and i open it carefully.

i'm met with a drawing of us sitting on my roof. the sunset is drawn with careful blends of pinks and oranges, a few clouds spread in the sky. its absolutely beautiful and i can tell he worked really hard on it.

"josh, this is... this is amazing. i love it." i look up at him and see that he's blushing.

"i, uh, wrote you a note on the back," he mentions, his voice quiet.

i turn the paper over and see a second piece of paper taped to the back with writing on it.

tyler,

i know that these past few months have been a lot for you. i know the next few will be too.

i just wanted to thank you for sticking around. i know it's scary for you, but you coming back into my life, while the circumstances weren't ideal, has been the best thing that i think has ever happened to me.

you make me so happy. boyfriend or not, you are my very best friend and being able to say that still, after 16 years, is incredible. i don't think either of us have really taken the time to recognize how big that is. i just can't imagine my life without you in it.

i'm sorry i couldnt get you anything better. i don't work like you do. i guess i could. i just want to spend as much time with you as i can and if we both had jobs i think it'd be almost never. i know you're busy and i don't blame you for it. i'm just a little scared of what the future may look like... but every time i look at you, you're the sun that sets every evening and the moon that rises every night. it makes it seem worth it to take the risk.

this is getting a bit wordy now, so i'll stop. you get the point.

merry christmas, tyler. i love you.

josh

i look back up at him with tears falling down my cheeks. he reaches up to wipe them and i lean forward to kiss him again, hoping he can feel the emotion i pour into it.

"thank you, josh. this is the best present i've ever gotten." i pause to clear my throat and pull his gift out of my pocket. "here." i hand the small box to him and at this point, i think my heart is beating so hard that i'll probably explode any minute.

i watch as he opens it and see his eyes widen. i speak up again before he can, "okay, i'm not proposing or anything, and i know this is, like... really gay and probably stupid but i just," i pause again, an awkward, breathy laugh interrupting me, "it's a promise ring. i know that i, um, can't be everything you need right now, but i want to be. i really do. i don't have a letter or a speech, and your present is much better than mine, but i just-"

josh kisses me in the middle of my sentence, the box waiting in his lap as his hands cup my cheeks. it's a very intimate moment and i'm glad that my rambling wasn't annoying enough to shatter it.

"i love it, tyler. i love you." he smiles at me with watery eyes and then pulls back to put the ring on his finger. "i'll never take it off."

all i can think about now as i stare at his hand is how badly i'd like that to be a real wedding ring someday.

"i love you more."

he shakes his head and sets both boxes aside, pulling me forward to lift me onto his lap. i bury my hands in his hair and we kiss again, a mess of tongues and hands and smiles as i push him back so i'm laying on top of him.

"merry christmas, j."

"merry christmas, baby."

-

i actually remembered to request off for new years eve and get to spend the night at josh's house. we bake a cake while the countdown special plays on the tv in the living room. we sing along to the songs we know, cake batter smeared on our faces and icing flavored lips turned up into sweet, matching smiles.

we kiss at the drop of the ball, tipsy from the champagne his mom left for us.

he takes my hands and pulls me up to dance with him, switching the tv off to play music on his phone.

"i don't want to go to bed yet," he says, "i don't want this night to end."

"i know," is all i reply with, a pit settling in my stomach.

it will end. the break will be over and we'll start school again. we'll graduate in a few months and go off to college and everything will change. again. and i'm scared. i have everything i want here in my hands and i'm still scared.

i feel guilt wash over me and try to ignore it, shifting closer to him and burying my face in the soft fabric of his sweater. it's less scary there.

(an: so soft for this chapter. i fucking love christmas!!!!!! sorry this was late!)