Hades' Halls

Hounds of War

Dear Mam

Thank you for the gloves. Your right it is getting pretty chilly up here on Earth now that winter is coming so they are going to come in very handy. It's not as cold as I expected though which the humans put down to this thing called 'global warming' but I think is just a consaqince (sorry, never could spell that word) of Persephone leaving the Gov.

He's actually doing better on that front. As you know hes been a bit delicate, especially of late. I think there was some fiasco down there with you not too long ago. Was that anything to do with the family? I hope not as that really seemed to shake him up a bit – not as much as when he discovered alcohol though Ha! – but I think he is doing better now.

The main reason for this is that the students are finally cooporating! Well, they aren't doing what we originally wanted them to do but they are helping us. It's all Georgie's idea – brilliant girl that one, shes going to conquer the world someday I bet, even though she does have a thing about welding and old bridges. Anyway, they are helping us find all the bad people in Exeter and making sure that when they die they don't manage to wriggle out of coming to join us in hell. I'm not entirely sure of the whole plan because they are still working through the kinks (great band by the way, look them up) but it all seems to be going swimmingly.

Sorry the letter is so short today but everythings pretty busy up here so Ill tell you all about it tomorrow. Please give Aithne my love, and Uncle Horror and my aunts Slime, Giggle, Pips, Squeak and Gutwenching Heart-throb and all the cousins and of course Gandma Rascal. I know they will just take the sentimaent and spit on it but its there all the same.

Buzbeep.

Spike checked his new phone, his Nokia, his pride and joy. It was Eloise saying they were on their way back. Good, Spike had been getting worried. In theory he knew that they could look after themselves, that combined they were probably the most dangerous thing that side of the Wessex border, but that did not stop him worrying.

Checking the time, the demon nodded to himself, blond hair flopping loosely over his eyes. "Just in time for tea. I'll just finish this."

Can you also wish cousin Knave a quick recovery? Imagine snapping both your legs at dental removal school, usually it's the spine.

Anyway, gotta go now mam. Looking forward to your next letter.

All my love, your boy.

Spike

PS. I would like to apologise for the very bad pun about gloves being handy. I think living with all these humans is starting to rub off on me.

PPS. That's actually quite a good thing. They are only human, but they are some of the nicest people you could ever hope to meet.

PPPS. I hope you like the rock cakes. Maybe you could take them to the next family get together.

Folding the letter into an envelope, Spike sighed. He was loving his life on Earth, all the well .... Life. Everything was so alive. The warm kiss of the sun which called you fourth each morning, the bran cereal served with fruit that prepared you for the day, the brisk breeze arising from the water as you walked along the river, the sites, scents, people, M and S baking aisle. It was all so wonderful.

But he still missed home. Not that home had been a particularly welcoming place. His whole family was quite keen on the whole being the leanest, meanest demons in the Lower Realm, something which Spike had just never quite got the hand of.

He had tried, really pitting the effort in to fit in with the crowd but things just never seemed to work out. He had been about six when, at the weekly family meetings, he had been given a slice of cake and told to sit in the corner while his younger sister had been the darling of the group. With hindsight, this had influenced his love of baking and literature, but these were earthly skills not demonic ones meaning that Spike was still considered by all but his Ma to be sub-par.