so what if you made a deal with an omnipotent god and then got hit by a car

FUCKFUCKFUCKSPIDERS 2 electric boogaloo

"SHIT MY GROCERIES"

After the very sad realization that I had lost my groceries I looked at pigsy. 

"What are ya lookin at me for?"

"You followed spider queen into her lair you made me drop my groceries, therefore you owe me groceries. If you don't pay me back I am petty enough to sue you for when MK hit me with a car."

With that threat pigsy looked like he was about to say something until I started loudly googling law firms nearby and he agreed. He was lucky I hadn't gotten much by the time I ran into him otherwise I would've been pissed, not that I would've done much if I was I'm a fucking coward.

As soon as I got home I decided the best thing to do would be to try and find the spider queen's lair again, I think it's time I start changing the plot. I plug my phone in and watch TV until it's charged, as soon as it is I unplug it and head out. It may be a bit late but that's exactly what I want.

I mean I have to practice shit somehow and it's better to be a local urban legend than wanted by the police. I should probably start out with trying to do both arms and legs at once, then move on to figuring out how to climb shit with 'em.

Ignoring the cold on my legs, I spring all the way across the city to practice, after all I don't wanna deal with awkward encounters with neighbors, I mean it's a pretty small complex with only 3 floors but still. 

As soon as I get where I deem far enough I stop to take a breather, actually now that I think about it, I'm not tired like at all- weird.  I stretch and focus, quickly feeling the cold on my limbs, I set a timer and see how long I can hold them without focusing hard or doing anything. 

They last for about 14 minutes before they absorb back again, this time I try doing one set at a time, first doing legs then doing arms. As expected the legs last slightly longer because I have more practice with them. 

After that I try to climb one of the walls in the alley I'm practicing in and have to be careful not to dig out pieces in the bricks on accident, they were not lying about the strength part it's like I'm saying that sexism is wrong to a 30 year old discord mod who proudly calls himself a brony.

I take a head start and jump to the next roof. After awhile of practicing I check the time and realize how early it is. I get home as fast as I can and pass out basically as soon as I hit the bed, I've got some work to do tomorrow (unfortunately).

When I wake up I lay around in bed for a moment trying to go back to sleep before giving up. I got out of bed and checked the time surprising absolutely no one I woke up at 1 in the afternoon. I get up and pull out some crepe mix I ordered awhile back to make breakfast(lunch?).

After an hour I finally have 4 good enough crepes. Disregarding the graveyard of burnt/undercooked crepes in the trash, I put away the rest of the batter, clean up the counters, and head out to go to the market.

Do I want to deal with the spider queen? No. Do I want to see if I can get her not killed? Yes. Which is the reason I have to find her before LBD does. As I'm going through the market I see two familiar demons hauling away- OH MY GOD YIN AND JIN ARE GETTING RID OF MK'S DELIVERY THING.

I decide I should probably do some damage control so I tail them via alleyways and conveniently parked cars. When they get to their quite frankly shitty house I decide to wait until I hear MK breakout of the calabash to burst through the door.

Forcing the door open, I step into the house before stopping to put the door back after I knocked it off it's hinges. Yin and jin try to leave  but MK notices them and I step behind him, waiting for him to finish whatever so that I can tell him where his delivery car is.

After the two challenge MK to a fight and he catches them on their bluff I tap him on the shoulder. Before he can say anything I cut him off.

"Nothing is perfect and you're no longer in the calabash. Anyways the reason I'm here is because those two morons decided to dump your delivery car so I followed 'em here so that I could show ya where they dumped it."

"Wait they WHAT"

After I bring him to his car I wave goodbye and head to the market. After a long while of searching I find it. This is probably a bad idea but what is she gonna do? kill me? She literally can't. Plus if she tried I'd have even more grounds for her to listen to me- I think-

After watching the stall for a bit I can see that it's empty. Honestly I don't care what she's doing at the moment  as long as I get shit done. I walk in and stomp as hard as I can on the trap door. It opened but I held onto the walls of the tunnel for dear life so that I could climb down to get a peek at what the spider queen's doing. 

It looked like she was in there plotting, probably prepping for whatever shit with- syntax? Yeah that guy. But it looked like he hasn't gotten here quite yet which is good. I don't wanna risk dealing with him seeing me come back to life as a human because he could snitch and that would be a can of shit and a half.

I wait for her to be done with whatever the hell she's doing before I casually drop in, with a warning of course otherwise it would be rude as hell. She was very on guard when I got in and pointed one of her mech limb things at me and threw to the floor. Legs, I meant legs.

"Chillax I'm here to warn you, not stop you from doing whatever you're doing. And before you say it I really don't care if you don't believe me because you'll understand once she gets here."

She seemed skeptical of me as I used a BG covered hand to push away the pointy ass leg she had at my throat as I stood up and brushed myself off.

"She? Who the hell is she?"

"She's a demon that's gonna come here disguised as a little girl, she'll offer to work with you. I came here to warn you to be cautious but not to refuse her offer because once she knows something's up everything will be thrown off track and I won't be able to help you."

"And why the hell are you helping me?"

"Because helping you will help me and everyone else I know. Otherwise I wouldn't give a shit if she did anything with you. I'm not saying you have to listen to me I'm just saying you should."

She tries to attack me but I run away as fast as I fucking can. Running through the way MK, mei, and sandy got here when a certain noodle chef decided to try to fuck the spider. As soon as I was out I pulled out my gps and headed home as fast as possible.

To be honest I was bluffing for a lot of that, holy shit I hate spiders her whole lair was so gross. When I checked the time I saw it was 5pm so after a quick change of clothes (I got some webs on me and I did not want to be questioned on it) I headed to pigsy's noodles.

God I fucking hate spiders.