Hello my lovely's this is pretty self explanatory Of who im writing about!
There will be some trigger warnings such as self-harm, suicide, drug use, anxiety, smut, mommy kink, degrading, some other kinks, and some other mental health stuff ill put i...
A/n: hey loves- again it has been a hot minute. A LOT has went down. I haven't been able to type because I jammed my finger a month ago and it still isn't healed 🤭 anywhore I'll get to the story. TW: self-harm
Y/n's Pov: Today has been one of the days I can't stand. The events of today started with first of all my dad had texted me some nasty things. My dad also continuously blamed me for my moms death, I truly don't know why. I have been overthinking me and Tammy's relationship and had thoughts about her not loving me in the way I love her. I got news that my grandma is in the hospital because she had a stroke and had almost died but luckily my brother was there. So the only thing i could think of was to get the sweet release of self-harm. I haven't done it in awhile because last time I did it my mom was around and helped me to stop, as well she helped me stop my eating disorder. As you can tell my mom was my hero but that all got taken away when my dad get into a car crash and killed her. As I said i don't know why he blames me.
I went to the bathroom and took the blade out of my razor. I became skilled at this task when I was younger. I sliced my thigh skin probably around 15-20 times. I truly missed the release I got with it even though it is not healthy whatsoever. As I was going to start cutting on my other thigh i heard my phone go off, so I went and saw I got a text from the heist group chat.
Debbs: can all of you show up to my house in 30? We have to go through some stuff
Lou 🚽: yeah I'm showing up early though.
Daph: be there soon.
Rose 🌹: I'll be able to make it.
Nine ball🎱: see you there.
Y/n: yep I'll be there Loml💋(tam): I'll be there because y/n will be there.
Lou🚽: ew cut it out.
Amita 🙊: ig I'll be there.
Constance🙀: count me in.
With that they basically got me distracted from my terrible day and I started getting ready and cleaned up my thigh. I then dug through my closet and threw a simple outfit on. The outfit:
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I then got my keys to my Subaru and headed to Debbie's.
-at Debbie's- When I showed up everyone was there but I know that this is going to be a long ending of the day in all because I have to hide what I'm feeling so I don't seem all depressed. If I can even hide it.
I walked inside and was greeted by Lou hanging up her jacket, "well hello y/n everyone is in the living room." "Okay thank you." I walked to the living room and everyone said hey.
Tammy then immediately engulfed me in a hug and kissed me. I of course kissed back and she then ran her hands down my side and gave my thighs a squeeze and with that I felt pain shoot through my leg and I flinched. I tried not to make tam tam notice but she did, "Honey are u okay?" "Umm yeah tam." "I'm going to talk with you later because I know your not." I didn't even try and fight with her.
The girls then started talking about some things to clean up the plan and I tried to listen but it was no use I just spaced out for god knows how long. My thoughts were interrupted by tammy, "darling we just finished u want to go to your house?" "Sure u can ride with me and get your car tomorrow if it's fine with Debbie." With that Tammy asked if she could leave her car there and come with me and Debbie said that was fine.
Me and Tammy went out to my car and I saw her look at my thigh and she kept giving me her sad eyes she would always give me when I wasn't doing good either mentally or physically. Tam always knew when something was wrong. I opened the door of the car for her and then went to my side. "Y/n now are u truly okay?." Silence. "Darling please talk to me," "I will when we get home I want to talk to you face to face." And with that she nodded.
-y/n's house- Me and Tammy headed inside and again I was engulfed in another hug so she could let me know she cared. We went to my living room and started to cuddle because she knows that being in her touch calms my nerves, "Now darling im going to ask again are you okay?" I didn't know how to respond so I just stared crying into her chest, "Hey shush, let it all out. Everything is going to be okay u have me, tell me what's going on."
I took a moment to get as much tears as I can out because I haven't been able to cry and her asking me if I was okay set something off in me after that I explained everything to tam tam, " well I relapsed, my grandma had a stroke today, my dad texted me some hurtful things, and... never mind." I didn't want to tell Tammy that I was over thinking about her cause she has already seen me very vulnerable I don't need to add on to that unless she wants to know.
"Y/n please tell me the last thing, you know I care and I want to hear." "Umm I feel like u don't love me the way I love you." I admitted barely over a whisper already ashamed of what I said. " hey hey don't say that I will tell your every single day how amazing you are and how much you mean to me, I want to spend my who life with you and only you sweetheart I love you so much and I'm sorry to hear your jackass of a dad texted you and is messing with you and if it makes you feel any better we can go and visit your grandma, I can also help you with your self- harm did u clean it out when u did it at least?" I nodded my head yes and she wiped up my tear stained face.
We ended up cuddling some more and telling each other how much we love each other and falling asleep in one another's embrace.
A/n; this chapter kinda sucks im sorry I'll try and write more and get some good ideas.
