Love in the Shadows (Book 2)

Chapter 8

"Battleships" - Daughtry

Sleep.

What is sleep?

I don't know her.

The bags under my eyes are a clear sign of the constant tossing and turning I did last night. And it wasn't just my mind still processing the shit storm that was yesterday, it was also my body missing Steve.

For three months we were on different sides of the world, and now, knowing he's in the same building but not here with me, it's just torture. It took so much self control to not run to his room and crawl into bed with him. But I know he needs his space and I need to give it to him.

The one good thing about a sleepless night is that it gave me time to think and I came to a very big realization.

I'm an asshole.

Last night Steve had legitimate concerns about the whole Loki plan and I made him feel like he was being unreasonable. Nothing he said was wrong. Loki probably does want to win me back. And even though I know it doesn't mean anything because he's not going to change my mind, I can understand why it makes him uncomfortable. I mean, him seeing Sharon makes me uncomfortable. And just because I'm stupid enough to not say anything about it doesn't mean I should expect him to be.

And that's what I need Steve to know. I need to apologize.

After a quick shower I get dressed in jeans and a simple black button down shirt, putting a light jacket over the whole thing. I put on some much needed makeup, mainly just to cover up the dark circles of a restless night. I leave my room heading to his, hoping he's not too upset to talk to me. And if he is...then maybe we can pick a time to meet up when he's feeling a little better.

God...it sounds like I need to set up a meeting just to talk to my boyfriend. I've really made a mess of things.

I take a deep breath as I knock on his door and can't help but think back to when I stood at his door ten months ago, ready to confront him because I thought he hated me. Needless to say I'm more nervous now than I was then.

After about thirty seconds when I get no answer I try knocking again but I'm left waiting. He's not here, or he knows it's me and isn't opening the door because he doesn't want to talk to me. No. That's ridiculous he would have no way of knowing it was me out here. He probably got up early to go for a run. It's his favorite way of destressing...well, second favorite. But considering we were in separate bedrooms last night he couldn't do the other one.

With a deep sigh I leave his bedroom door and decide to head downstairs. I need to talk with Tony and see if we can come up with a plan to move forward. We also need to connect with Bruce so that we can get started working on an ankle monitor with a tracker on it for Loki, so that we always know where he's at.

I'm making a mental list of all the things we need to talk about as I head into the living room. I come to a halt when I see Steve standing behind the counter, pouring himself a cup of coffee. I was right in assuming he went out for a run, the sweat on his shirt making it cling to his chest.

His eyes meet mine when I walk in and I can see there's still some pain and annoyance lingering in them.

"Hey." I say, hating that we're acting like strangers.

"Hey." he replies, bringing his eyes back down to his coffee cup.

Okay...this is going to be harder than I thought.

"How did you sleep?" I ask, trying to ease us into normal conversation as I take a few more steps into the living room.

He gives me a confused look, as if asking if I'm really trying to do this right now before bringing his gaze back down. "Not very well." he admits, and then slightly lifts his coffee cup as if to drive his point home.