Love in the Shadows (Book 2)

Chapter 22

"Turning Page" - Sleeping At Last

The waves crash onto the shoreline, making the most beautiful sound. The wind is just strong enough to deliver a cool breeze, but not make it cold. I wrap my arms around myself trying to let the sound of the water settle my mind. 

It's so nice out here, so calm. It's so easy to forget everything else and just pretend that this is it, that nothing else is wrong. There's a peace that comes over me, but it has to fight with the chaos that rattles my mind.

I close my eyes, trying to focus on nothing but the sounds around me, and yet it's the sounds in my head that take priority.

"Mia?" Doctor Larson says, bringing my focus back to her. And it's then that I realize she's been trying to get my attention for a while.

"Sorry." I say, not really knowing how to focus on anything right now. "I'm sorry."

Doctor Larson gives me a sympathetic look as she leans forward. "Mia, I know this is difficult news to process. But I need you to understand that this isn't definitive." She puts her hands down on my most recent test results. "This doesn't mean you won't be able to get pregnant, it just means that it might be a little more difficult." She fans out my MRI, my CT scan, my PET scan, and my ultrasound. "Your body took a lot of damage and you're still healing so it's hard to know what's going to be permanent." I hear her, I'm listening, but my heart is pounding so hard right now it's hard to fully process anything. "I know this isn't something you guys were thinking about right now, and we won't actually know more until you guys are ready and trying."

It's been a month since the fight with the Citrelian army. And after a bit of a scare when I passed out, after a few days of rest I thought everything was just fine.

Until Doctor Larson called me in to talk about my latest scan results. Until she told me she was seeing a few issues that didn't seem to be healing as fast as she had been hoping. Until she told me that based on that she thinks I might have a hard time getting pregnant.

"Mia..." Steve says, sitting beside me, sounding more concerned about my reaction than the actual news.

Things were finally falling into place with us. We had plans for a future, and now it's ruined.

I shift forward, trying to control my emotions so I don't start crying. "When we are at that point in our lives..." I pause, wondering if that day is ever going to come now. "If I did manage to...g-get pregnant, would it be a dangerous pregnancy?" I ask, feeling my hands start to shake. "For the baby?" I lift my hand up, quickly wiping away a fallen tear.

"From your current tests I have no reason to believe it would be. The biggest uncertainty would be the actual conception. But if it were to happen we would definitely be more vigilant throughout the pregnancy."

She's being as reassuring as she can. And despite her saying this isn't a certainty, I can't help but panic at the idea that I'll never be able to give Steve a child. He never even officially said he wanted kids. Last time I asked he said "maybe". But I can tell that he does, the way he was with Esmond made that very clear. As for me, I was never the type of person to desperately want kids. I always figured if the time came and I was with the right person, I'd think about it. And I'm with the right person now but, to know that I might not even get a choice, it hurts.

"Mia..." Steve says again, and I can hear the desperation in his voice.

I haven't even turned in his direction since Larson told us. Because how can I? How can I look at him, knowing my actions might have cost us the future we were planning.

"Is there anything we can do to help this?" I say, trying to keep the conversation going so I don't have to face him. "A surgery? Medication? Anything?"