Annoyed b.e

16

TW self harm and mentions of suicide

Billie

I sat on my floor in my room as I smoked a cigarette blowing the smoke out of the window, I kept looking over at my phone as I only thought of one person that I hope would call text or something.

Cassidy

I really fucking miss her, I see her at school sometime she was smile and wave at me but won't talk to me, she thinks we need space so I could get better, but I've been locking myself in my room and cutting myself privately because every bad thing that happens in my life starts with me.

I sighed and finally picked up my phone hesitantly clicking Cassidy's contact, I brought the phone up to my ear as it rang, after a couple of rings she finally picked up the phone.

"Hello" she said groggily I'm guessing she was asleep

"...H-hi"

"Billie it's two in the morning why are you calling so late?"

"I just really needed to talk to you... I've missed hearing your voice" I put out my cigarette throwing it out of the window

"Are you drunk?"

"No but can I come over?"

"Billie It's really late"

"I know but I really just need to tal-"

"Goodnight Billie we can talk later"

"Wai-"

She hung up and I sighed throwing my phone somewhere and laid down on my bedroom floor, my eyes started to fill with water and I couldn't stop the tears from coming.

Fuck I miss her so fucking much it kills me, plus with all this shit going on, I feel like she's the only person I need, I fucked up everything so bad, I wish I should've never gotten blacked out drunk that night, I wish I didn't even go to that stupid party, then maybe just maybe I would still have my girlfriend, my mother wouldn't think I'm an addict, I wouldn't relapse from cutting because everybody hates me and I'm a disappointment to my family. I just need somebody to hold me and tell me everthing is going to be okay, I want to feel my mother's touch again, I want her to look at me the way she used to before I tried to kill myself, before I changed. Maybe I could try and change into a good person to make her proud, but all the shit I've done still eats me alive. I don't think I'm a good person because I've physically hurt a lot of people for my own sake, I finally paid off my dept, but I still have nightmares about it. I got up and grabbed my box taking out a razor blade lifting up my shorts making a cut on my inner thigh making me wince In pain not even realizing how deep I made it, there was so much blood so I quickly grabbed the rubbing alcohol and cotton balls putting it on my fresh cut then wrapped it up with some bandages. I put everything back then went to bed.

Cassidy's POV

I saw Billie in the halls putting some books away in here locker then closed it locking it, she was wearing some black joggers, and a dark grey zip up hoodie, topped off with some high top air force one's, and hair In a low bun. It's so hard to resist Billie when she's pulling up in outfits like this looking all fine and shit. she spotted me staring at her and gave me a weak smile then walked away, I caught up to her and tapped her shoulder making her stop and look at me, I've had enough time to examinate her face and it looked like she doesn't sleep much because of her large bags under her eyes, and the redness under them.

"C'mon" I grabbed her hand and led her to the outside cafeteria since no one comes here "I'm sorry were you hungry I didn't-"

"No it's all good food is trash anyways" she cut me off, her voice sounds more raspy then usual, not gonna lie it was hot, but it didn't look like she slept much.

"Did you sleep?"

"Not really" she yawned

"Billie you have to get more rest I've told you about that, it's going to make your sleeping problems worse if you don't sleep"

"I know"

"Wussup what's keeping you up at night?"

"... My mom" she started but paused and licked her lips looking down at her hands "first off how are you?"

"I'm okay but now you answer the question your mom what? Is she okay?"

"Yeah she um..she wants to send me away again?"

"What where and why?"

"She thinks I'm an addict for something I did once even though my drug test was negative"

"Then that's bullshit"

"Calm down beautiful, trust me I'm just as angry as you but I'll be alright" she placed her hand on my thigh and stroked it for comfort, after a couple of seconds of taking it all in I hear light sniffles, I look up and see Billie crying

"I-I'm sorry it's just that I'm such a fuck up and now my mom fucking hates me too and I'm afraid that I'm loosing you and Drew and everything I care about all because of one thing" she slapped her hands over her face

"No Billie you're not losing me okay I love you so much" I hugged her

"I love you too" she sobbed into my shoulder as we held each other tight not letting go like this is the last time we're going to see each other.

A/n

Poor Billie😖

Sorry for any mistakes