Afterglow ❃ l.m.j

• chapter twelve •

Tears melted from globs to streaks as they poured down my face under the yellow fluorescent streetlight the following night. My car was the only thing in my line of vision, and even that was getting blurry.

Where a perfectly painted green door was, laid several keyed in streaks, from slashes to degrading words.

I hugged my body. I could feel myself visibly shrinking as if the world was towering over me.

Who would do something like this? Who even knew this was my fucking car?

I blinked fast in a rush to get the tears away. People were still walking towards the club. I turned my head so that my face couldn't easily be seen, reaching up to wipe my nose.

No matter how much I tried to hold it in, I felt the sobs shuddering in my chest. It was hard to remember how to breathe.

I covered my face with my sleeves to shield myself away from the world as I let myself cry. It was heavy and ugly. I couldn't even bring myself to look up without automatically feeling worse.

I tried to ignore the voice in my head saying this was all my fault for letting myself get carried away. This would've never happened if I just drove myself home. My car wouldn't be here to get keyed by some fucking random.

"Hey, are you alright?" Someone called. It sounded damn near miles away above the rain.

I nodded, calling back a faint, "Yeah," in hopes that maybe it would make them walk away. The last thing I needed was for word to get around that one of the top strippers at Heaven's Door was found crying outside. Men are weird and they will use any moment of weakness to their advantage, no matter the place. I can only imagine the amount of false sympathy I'd get from customers next time I reached the floor. It's bad enough I've had to witness it when happened to one of the old dancers.

"Are you sure?" The voice was getting closer and I stepped back tentatively.

I glanced up to see who exactly it was walking towards me, and all of my walls practically fell down when I realized it was her.

"Hi. I'm fine." I croaked, pulling my bottom lip in between my teeth as I looked anywhere else. Normani was holding a bright blue umbrella.

Upon noticing it was me, she walked up to put it over me and shield me from the rain.

"Are you okay? You should get inside, you're gonna get sick. Do you need a jacket? That doesn't look heavy."

As much as I appreciated her pestering away at me, I didn't even have the heart to respond. I shook my head in acknowledgement. My gaze remained on the side of the club where the neon lights read the name. She didn't push or prod anymore. She began to look around before her eyes landed on my car.

"What the f—, is this your car?"

Heat flooded around the dull ache of my temples. Normani looked back at me just in time to see my answer.

My nails dug into my palm uncomfortably.

The brunette came to my side cautiously before placing a hand on my back. "Come on, let's get you into the club before you get sick."

I meekly followed her.

When we stepped inside, I pulled my hood from my face. I'm sure my eyes were puffy and bloodshot. Now I'll have to go reapply my makeup and try to make myself look presentable again. It's a good thing I got here early today.

Normani took off her raincoat, and gestured to a barstool before going to put her stuff away. When she came back, she sat beside me and handed me a water bottle. I took it and twirled it in my hands. I couldn't help but just look at the wooden counter in thought.

"Do you want to tell Ally? Maybe there are cameras."

I shrugged.

I know that eventually I'll have to figure out who did it, and yeah, maybe the cameras did catch it. But it doesn't erase the fact that someone felt that strong about me that they keyed my car. And not just a scratch or two, but entire words, things that even if I got the car fixed I couldn't erase from my memory. Words that I spent my entire childhood and high school years hearing and trying to burn from my brain. I wanted to believe that I was away from all that and bigger than the drama. But in reality I felt just as small then as I do now.

"I just feel hurt." I said quietly.

The brunette waited patiently for me to continue.

"I've tried so hard, for so long, to create environments for myself where things like this don't happen anymore. It just hurts that even in a space that I love being in, I can't avoid getting put down. It doesn't matter how nice I am or how much people love me."

My eyes met hers before looking away again. I wiped at my nose.

"I'm sorry, we're at work and that's a lot to put on someone. I'm sorry."

"Why are you apologizing?"

"Because you barely know me and yet here I am, venting about something extremely personal and taking up your time. I— I don't want to annoy you."

I started to get up, but she reached out for my arm.

"You don't have to leave, it's okay. You aren't annoying me. And honestly, you barely shared anything."

I stood there awkwardly, not sure whether to stay in my seat or leave anyway. Her brown eyes pleaded with me to just stay.

"You can talk to me anytime, I'll listen. You aren't being annoying or too much. And what happened wasn't cool, I'd be upset too. Especially in a place where your privacy is everything. Does anyone know that's your car?"

"The ones that I know - like, do know, wouldn't do that to me. And I'm almost always one of the last people to leave. So someone had to get here before me and do that, unless they came during the day or something."

We sat for a moment, possibly in thought or just the need for silence. After a few moments, Normani stood up with determination in her eyes.

"Come on, I think we should go talk to Ally. At least to let her know that it happened."

I looked up at her unsurely as she stood in front of me. A small, comforting smile spread across her lips.

"We don't have to do anything you aren't comfortable with."

I don't know if it was the look in her eyes, her words, or her smile, but I was sold. We headed towards Ally's office in search of the culprit.