Afterglow ❃ l.m.j

• chapter thirty •

One drink for her turned into several with Lilly's hand on my thigh as she spun her stool around to face me. She was on her way to drunk, a big smile on her face. Her giggles filled my ears at something I said and I watched as she sauntered forward. In some ways, Lilly was the same. A cute but chaotic and enticing mess.

I couldn't help but think about Normani. The way she was more honest than Lilly would ever be. Lilly was more of an inconspicuous flirt, dropping so many hints that it forced you to take matters into your own hands. But Normani? God, there was no wondering with her. Only straightforward words and actions. Every flirt was followed up with an intentional statement on what she meant by it and sometimes even why. It was one of my favorite things about her - and so far, I was making a list.

I watched as Lilly batted her eyelashes at me. I took a heady sip of my wine. Maybe it was a bad idea to drink with her. My drunk was never fun time drunk. It was always a slut me out drunk. And I was beginning to love the feel of her hands on my thigh. The thought of the person I truly wanted with me was only exacerbating it.

I found myself thinking back to the first time her and I ever had sex. Her pulling me into the bathroom and propping me up on that sink. Her hand on my thigh just like Lilly's was, right now. A low and hoarse voice whispering, "If we're gonna do this, we're gonna do it right." I felt something in me shift at the mere thought. I bunched my thighs together.

I wonder if she ever thinks about me like this when I'm not around. Wondering what I'm doing, who I'm with, what I'm wearing and the millions of ways she could take it off of me. I bet it'd drive her crazy right now just knowing I was out with someone else.

I noticed the change in her ever since we started having sex and I interacted with anyone at the club. I may be oblivious sometimes, but I wasn't dumb. But I know it's something she needs to figure out on her own, and until she spoke up, I wasn't going to stop her. Plus, the jealousy was kinda cute on her. Sue me.

I looked at the woman in front of me. Lilly and I only ever went there once, back when I was barely having sex at all and still figuring out what it all meant for me. Back when she wasn't too fond of what was going on beneath my skirt. But now her disposition seemed to do a complete 180 as she raked her nails across my jeans. They were the same color as my wine.

"You know, I was just reflecting on our college days." She smiled, taking another sip of her madras. It was as if she read my mind. The stroking of her nails were doing wonders for my mind. I moved around to throw my mind off of where it was leading me mentally. "We used to have so much fun, didn't we? Skipping class to be together, the parties, that night alone in your dorm..."

Her fingers inched a bit higher up my thigh, making me clench them again subconsciously. She bit her lip, looking into my eyes.

"That was college." I leveled my eyes with hers, taking a swig of my drink. "Years ago. I'm a very different person than I was back then."

She rubbed the spot that she was scratching prior. "So am I. That's why I figured it wouldn't be so bad if we caught up, you know? Grab the bull by the horns while we have the chance."

I grimaced at her choice of words.

"You know, we really shouldn't do this." I started, shaking my head slowly. Her hand teased a bit higher. Her body leaned in more.

Her face was inches from mine. She looked at my lips as she spoke.

"Do you have a girlfriend?"

I thought back to the brunette, and all the remnants of just sex between us. Our bodies being the only barrier between friends and strangers. I answered her honestly.

"No."

She smiled. "Then what does one kiss hurt?"

The advance all in all was the most forward she's ever been. I tapped my forefinger against the rim of my glass, the leg that she wasn't touching bouncing in anticipation. She inched closer to me, the smell of linen and lavender filling my nose. Unfamiliar and comforting all at the same time. A temporary pleasure.

I felt her lips connect with mine softly, a test to see if I would run or push her away. It felt nice to kiss someone again. Even in the few days since seeing Normani, I felt like a touch starved puppy. Even though Lilly wasn't ultimately satisfying me, it was nice to feel the touch of someone again. I placed a hand on her cheek, finally allowing myself to kiss her back.

Despite being in the middle of the bar, I could only focus on her lips, the labored breathing, and the patterns she was rubbing on my leg. It was a nice symphony. And when the thought of Normani came back to my head again, I let out a moan, my eyes rolling back.

God, to be in this bar, kissing her instead. Is what I'm doing still considered bad if the only thing keeping me going is imagining it's her? I've never known what it's like to miss the feel of someone's body until I've had to go without hers for a few days. I felt weak and without a pulse.

When we pulled away, Lilly seemed satisfied.

"You're as good a kisser as I remember."

It was a sport blocking all of her words out.

I smirked, peering at her from beneath my eyelashes. My voice was husky.

"Was that all you wanted? Just a kiss?"

She smiled wider. "I'm not opposed to another. Or anything above that."

I looked her over before chuckling to myself. I pulled back a bit. I couldn't help but think about how a couple years ago this wouldn't ever be something on the table. How she was damn near ready to run from me. I finished my glass and stood to my feet.

Kissing her felt good but too different to satisfy what I really craved. There was no rose, no begging, no feeling of wanting deep in my gut. No one to drive me absolutely crazy until I couldn't think anymore.

"My number never changed. When you're sober and you feel like that, you can call me, okay?" I leaned in to kiss her on the cheek. She accepted the gesture with a look of unbridled confusion.

I wasn't going to do her the diligence of an explanation. She wouldn't understand. Kiss or no kiss, she didn't compare to Normani. No one ever could. And a tiny stab of guilt ate at me for even entertaining her when I lowkey knew that.

I walked into the cool evening air and called an Uber. To my surprise, she made no effort to follow me. She probably found someone else to kiss and flirt with. It was water off of my back anyhow. My heart wasn't in it.

I ducked into my Uber with loosened muscles and an even looser mind. Only one person mattered at that point and she wasn't even around to know it.