Zoah is driving quietly, which he is grateful for because he doesn't want to entertain a conversation today. He is emotionally and physically exhausted, sometimes he just wants to lay down and never wake up. Ram gulped and traced the tattoo of dove on his wrist to remind him why he must keep pushing forward.
"I dreamt of my dad today" Zoah confessed to him, her eyes on the road
"How do you feel?"he asked softly
"It was a good dream, it felt so real. Like he was there with me. When I woke up, I wanted to go back to sleep again because I wanted to see him again. I tried but I failed, dreamt of some stupid math exam I had many years ago" she whispered in a soft and quiet voice
"I wish I could have met the man who raised you, Zo" he said softly making her give him a smile and he felt relief kick him. Ram had been afraid to say the wrong thing after she had been vulnerable with him, opening up and talking about loss was difficult, he knew that personally.
"I think he would have liked you" she said before throwing a cap and sunglasses to him so he could fool the paparazzi to think he was someone else.
"I'm honored Zo Zo"he said before wearing the cap and sunglasses
"How do I look?" he asked posing for her making the car fill with her laughter
"Better, now that the lines under your eyes are covered" she joked
"You need better material than that, really my insomnia is what you decided to go with. You can do better" he said before letting out a chuckle, his heart feeling lighthearted. He wish he could tuck this moment somewhere safe, because he don't want something so beautiful to be filled with more tragedy
"It's nice to see you like this" he heard Zoah say sincerly
"To bad you did not meet me years ago Zoah, you would have loved the old Ram. I feel like I'm a shell of the person I once used to be" he said the mood sobering. The first emotion he feels is guilt for ruining a sweet moment, but then his heart feels lighter to share this with her. He knows Zoah won't judge; she would try to understand afterall she was his grief buddy.
"You are right I would have loved the old Ram, but this Ram is my friend, and he might have some more bruises and scars. You are not broken Ram, and the old Ram is not the one I'm choosing to spend my Sunday with" Zoah said as she parked the car at the beach. Her words touching his soul, most of the people in his life met him when his personality was like sunshine, but not Zoah she met him at the darkest and saddest time of his life.
"Thank you" he whispered giving her hand a gentle squeeze, smiling at her dove tatoo on her wrist.
"Bruised but not broken" he repeated with her, their eyes locking for a minute
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As Ram watched the sunset that Shivi loved so much on her birthday, all he could sense was her laying in his arms as she was using her last strength to assure him that she loved him.
"Ram, aunty is here" he hears Adi say making him snap out of this thougts filled with guilt and remose. He coughed, before he turned around to see Nandini walk on the beach gracefully in the very last minutes of before the sunset. He can't help but leave a happy sigh, for the last four years she has not been there celebrating Shivi's birthday telling him it's too painfull.
"Thank you, mom,"he said softly the moment she stood next to him. Nandini nodded and shakingly grabbed his hand, and he let her borrow his strength.
"Weird Ram, our relationship is tied to much with grief, heartache and regret" she said not looking at him but at the ocean in front of them. Ram had no clue how to respond to her statement, so he stood silently watching the ocean and the birds flying around.
"Ram, Nandini aunty do you want to say something about Shivi on her birthday?" Kunal asked softly
Ram looked at Nandini, allowing her the chance to speak first if she wanted and felt ready too. He saw his mom open her mouth before she closed it, like no words would come out. He nodded to his friend to give her a minute, and whispered " You don't have to mom, if you are not ready"
Nandini grabbed his hand and closed her eyes as she pictured all of her kids running in the garden after Virendra
"I have not loved a lot of people in my life, Virendra was the one who taught me what love was. When Virendra died, the best parts of me died. I have spent longer time without him,than I have him with him. I just never thought I must live longer than my children. Shivinia was like a little child, she had us wrapped around her little finger." Nandini spoke with her face full of tears, her mascara was running but everyone kept quiet, giving her space to share her thoughts without any judgement.
"I find solace in knowing that she is with her dad now, she is safe with him. I just wish her death had not been like that, so cruel." Nandini continues, opening her eyes and being genuinely vulnerable for the first time after her husband's funeral.
She cups Ram 's face with a love he has not felt from her since his father passed away, he leans closer to her palm as he receives the motherly affection from her after years.
"I'm glad that her last breath was taken in your arms, at least I know she was with someone who loved her as much I did. Thank you for holding her close to your heart one last time, munchkin" she whispers only loud enough for him to hear, Ram can't put it in words how much he missed her calling him that silly nickname.
Ram nodded and kissed her forehead, before she could get the chance to put her walls in front of him and shutt off her motherly affection for him. Ram smiles sadly when he watch her close her eyes, then reopening her eyes and wearing her poker face that she had mastered by the years. Nandini had never been cruel to him but different to him after his father's funeral, he could not find the strenght to blame her. Grief was a strange thing, and it could bring out the person you hate the most out of you.
"Ram, you should say something too" Adi said making him move away from Nandini, he walked towards the ocean and looked up at the sky as he saw birds flying. He looked at the beautiful sunset, he imagined his sister running after their dad in heaven.
"A part of me died with you Shivi, whatever remains is going to try to live for you. To honor you, to remember you the way you deserve to be remembered. You were a light in my life Shivi, my dance partner. My child. I'm going to try everyday to remain the man you loved, for you Shivi. That's my last gift to you. Happy birthday Shivi bacha"
He feels a cold breeze, he likes to believe that it was Shivi hugging him and telling him she loved him back. Ram smiles teary eyed looking at the white bird flying above the sky.
A/N : Sorry for any typos, constructive criticism is more than welcome :) This chapter means personally a lot to me, and I hope you guys will like it :)
YOU ARE READING
Till forever falls apart
General FictionRam has to learn to live in a world after his sister's death, while still taking care of his mom and brother. Nandini feels like a piece of her died along with her daughter, will the fear of losing another child remind her of the person she once was...
