Till forever falls apart

Chapter 14: Two of us

It's been a minute since I called you

Just to hear the answerphone

Yeah, I know that you won't

get this

But I'll leave a message so I'm

not alone"

- Two of us by Louis Tomlinson 

Since Shivina's death, Ram had experienced countless different emotions. Longing was perhaps the strongest emontion he felt. He longed for the moments where they would watch a movie together, he would remember with a heavy heart but also with deep fondness how he taught her how to dance. Ram would laugh when he would remember the first couple disastrous driving lessons, before he understood that Shivina was someone who could only learn lessons with a lot of patience and care. After that he never dared to raise his voice in fear when he felt she was going over the speed limit. He would get teary eyed when he remembered how she had run in his arms, when she had passed and got her drivers license.

It was an ebb and flow, a constant dance of sorrow and sweet memories, he would never stop trying to find her in every room at their house, for each year that passed he got used to not find her sitting on the breakfast table scolding Tarun for putting too much oil in the food. It took him a year before he managed to sit on the breakfast table without having a panic attack. His therapist said that he will grieve Shivina until the day he dies, because the grief of losing a loved one, remains with you for how long you love them. There is no doubt that Ram's love for his Shivina is forever.

It's not surprising for Ram, that his palms are sweaty, his eyes are teary eyed, and his chest is feeling heavy because on the other side of the white door is his sister. He is not even sure he has prosessed seeing his dad and his mom, this might be some weird dream but if he gets to hug Shivina one more time, he will take it. Even if it is just his mind playing a trick on him. He just wants to see her one more time, hold her one more time and tell her that loves her and how deeply sorry he is. Ram takes deep breathes to steady his beating heart as he opened the door and looked around, his eyes roaming around his surroundings trying to find her.

He finds himself breathless as he takes a step out of the door, his feet hit the sand on the beach and a faint smile appears on his face as he watches in awe. In a white dress that went to her ancles, her hair open and flying in the wind due to the gentle breeze is Shivina dancing around the sand, and the white birds are flying above her on the red hues of the sky, in tune with her. Shivina looks radiant, as she giggles and Ram feels his chest erupt with love and fondness, as he watches her in peace. Shivina looks surreal, happy, and healthy. It's all he ever wanted for her.

Ram wiped his tears away quickly and tries to fix his shirt, just like he did before he went to see her for the first time at the hospital room after she was born. Ram always strived to be the perfect big brother for her, even after she was gone. The vision in front of his eyes, makes it even more clear that a lifetime of precious moments was stolen from her. The way Shivina died, was inhumane and cruel. She had a life ahead of herself, they had a life ahead where they were going to have endless dances and conversations. He was going to watch her grow into the wonderful, kind, and strong woman he knew she had capability to become, he was going to watch her be a great aunt to his children and when she was ready to be the most loving and gentle mother. Instead, she died in his arms, leaving behind a mother and two brothers who she should have grieved one day not the other way around. Shivina was meant to be the last person standing.

It's right what they say about death being a thief, and he feels dizzy thinking what Sood's stole from them, from Akshay but mostly from Shivi. They hurt his child, there is no words in the dictionary that can fathom or explain the pain, and the shallow emptiness that will forever remain in his heart. Because that place in his heart was for Shivi, and Shivi alone.