Today, I was pleasantly awoken by my dear mother, who pinches my cheeks saying "good morning, my widdle Jimmy-wimmyyyy!"
Keeping my eyes closed, I feel a grin sprawling across my face. I then rise out of bed with my arms out as though I were my dear Jesus on the cross.
Later in precalc, Evy calls me out for being a pervert for flashing my arms by wearing short sleeves instead of my usual hoodie. She then calls upon Liam to defend her honed. The quirky knight mounts his white stallion, wielding a mechanical pencil. We then fight to the death in an epic dual. I, of course, won this battle. Evy weeps for her quirky knight.
In chemistry, I lower my mask to take a sip of water. I'm rather dehydrated today. Mr. Weid notices and is reputed by what he sees. This pains me. I shart myself. I scoop it out from betwixt my cheeks and gently toss it at Evy (still weeping from today's battle) as though it were a handful of flower petals. This was a poor attempt at flirting.
I then try to solve the problem written on the whiteboard before us. However, I seem to have made some sort of mistake as Katie then corrects me. Mr. Weid praises her. I am hurt again. I then hear Adde quietly say "dumbass".
"That is offensive," I reply. Charlie, upon hearing this, rushes to my side, offering a hug. I deny him and beat him with my water bottle out of frustration. I then squeak in vexation.
As I make my way back to my seat, I notice Evy has stopped weeping. We lock eyes as she makes her way over to corner me. I nervously pull out my baby powder and powder my flappy cheeks. Mm I smell good now. Like fresh babies. My cheeks are now soft like a baby's, too.
Seeing this delights Evy. She giggles. She begins to levitate and swing her feet back and forth, twiddling her toes. She gets closer and sniffs me. She salivates.
When she finally grows tired of sniffing me, she floats over to Mr. Weid to tell him about his dandruff. Mr. Weid then takes a flake from his scalp and eats it. I listen to the crisp sound it makes as he chews it. Oh how I wish I could get a piece... I scurry over, holding out my hands, anticipating a juicy flake. We lock eyes as he instead gives all of his flakes to Evy. Now there are no flakes left to add to my Weid shrine.
When will my suffering end?
YOU ARE READING
The Diary of Jimotheé Gujjie
RandomA heartthrobbing tale of excitement covering widdle Jim-Jim's shenanigans. Note: This story was written in a google doc during 6th period chemistry. Please, for the love of God, don't take this seriously.
