The 48 Laws of Power in Practice

**Law 40: Despise the Free Lunch

There is always a catch or hidden obligation to getting something for free. Conversely, you can gain power from being generous with your money.

Application –

Avoid [and avoid being] these 4 types of people who are self-destructive with money.

The Greedy Fish - They alienate themselves by making money their sole pursuit in life.

The Bargain Demon - They spend too much time and energy to acquire a cheap item.

The Sadist - They try to control other people with their money.

The Indiscriminate Giver - They want people to like them, so they are generous to everyone. Instead, people take them for granted.

We often get ourselves in trouble thinking we can get something for free. This applies to "easy money", and get rich quick scams you find on the internet. At best they don't work; at worst you lose all your money to a pyramid scheme. Sometimes a friend may pay our bar tab, only to expect us to return the favor. Sadly, some people in relationships who contribute more financially, feel the need to lord their money over the other person as a form of control.

On the flip side, you can make your money work for you. Celebrities who often give generous donations to charities, get a boost to their reputation. You can win people over with a well-timed gift. Perhaps one of the reasons why Oprah was so beloved? A great example of selective generosity. While people often value the things they paid a lot for, they take the bargain item for granted. Think of fast fashion; people treat those items as disposable.

Don't Let the Bastards Own a Piece of You –

"I want to take care of you," he said. I didn't know what it meant back then.

I was figuring things out after college, so it was nice not to worry about rent. At first, I was charmed by the tiny apartment on the outskirts of the city, with 1950's appliances, and that checkered linoleum floor that stays sticky no matter what you do.

Living with someone creates the need for compromise. On the weekend, I'd love to go out for a hearty breakfast. He would stare at me from the table as I ate my eggs and bacon. Then came hints like "Are you going to eat all that?" or "Wow you really polished that off." When we were together, he'd talk about how he was attracted to lithe yoga bodies. Aware of the stark contrast with my own physique, I became guilty and self-conscious about what I ate; a prelude to crash diets.

He had strict standards for loyalty, which I thought was noble at the time. "Cheating in your mind is the same as cheating", he'd say. So I had to purge my mind of fantasies and celebrity crushes. But he couldn't feel secure, so I had to cut ties with long-time friends of the opposite sex. Gradually, it became that wearing the wrong clothes was disrespectful to him, so I let him edit what I wore. Then one day, when I was downloading music on his computer, I stumbled upon a huge folder full of porn. The extreme hypocrisy left me reeling.

As a young adult my personality had years to develop freely, but a year into the relationship, I really didn't know who I was anymore. And so I stayed. Months later, I had to move out because of black mold. It was a blessing. 

Have you ever lost yourself? And when did you find yourself again? Please leave a comment if you have. I'd love to hear about it.