Reasons to Love - Poems

sleep

Sometimes I just need sleep.

It's not just a simple night sleep either, more like something for eternity.

I don't want to feel, to know, to fight.

But I don't want to die.

I want to laugh, love, smile. My dilemma just feeds off my conscience but nothing makes me want to end it.

Maybe I don't have the balls. But nothing makes me want to try.

I've tried.

I've been trying.

For 16 years, I've tried.

Come age 10, I never thought I'd make it here. I'm 5'4 but always thought I'd be 6'.

But I've loved, I've wondered, I've been brave.

So when I think of leaving, I think of that.

I've done things, I've dared and that's who I want to be.

But I'm still hurting. I hurt mentally and physically.

I feel everything.

So yeah, I don't want to feel this, but that's what makes me human.

So to live but die, I sleep.

But everything that hurts me attacks in my slumber. So an eternal sleep would never wake me.

I'd never feel, but not be dead.

But then again, how do you survive if nothing means anything?

——
i don't really write poems (or whatever this is) but this was an assignment from a physiologist that I thought you guys could relate to.
-Kaity <3