Stand In Dad

Spiraling

Author's note:

Big thanks to Problem_Child_1 for all the help. I wouldn't have been able to write this without them. They gave me some great ideas for how to write Midoriya. I just couldn't find a good reason for him to spiral, but I had planned for it since day one. So thanks so much for the help!

TW: self harm in detail, self depreciation and shit, just really bad self image, slight dissociation, lots of blood!!!

Please do not read if this could trigger you!!! Or at least wait till you can handle it.

If you would like to just skip the self harm all together, you can stop reading at the...
God, I'm a terrible friend... and you should get the gist.

Midoriya's POV:

It all started with a discussion...

"I can't wait to see Kacchan again."

I said quietly.

I missed him, and he'd yet to respond to my texts, so I couldn't help but let it slip.

"I'm not sure if he's going to be coming back here."

All Might spoke up from his book.

"Wait what? I thought this was just until you both calmed down, and could talk about it."

"That's how it's supposed to be, but according to Aizawa, young Bakugou is doing quite well over there. Besides, I think Aizawa's mad at me for something. So it's unlikely he is going to bring Bakugou back."

"But why?! All this for some stupid mug?!"

"It was my favorite mug. It was from you, so it was special. If it had been some other mug, I probably wouldn't care nearly as much. But since it was from you, it really upset me."

"So... he got kicked out... because I bought the mug?"

All Might seemed distracted with his book, so he didn't answer verbally. Though he gave a slight nod. More an acknowledgmentbut that I spoke than anything. But he definitely didn't deny it.

Kacchan got kicked out because... I bought the mug...

The fighting started because Kacchan was upset about All Might ignoring him... for me.

All Might was upset with Kacchan... because of me...

How did it take me this long to put it together?! This is all my fault... how did it go this long without the thought even crossing my mind?

Not only was I not working hard to become a hero, and I was wasting time... I was hurting someone... and I didn't even notice. How messed up do you have to be to not even notice when you're really hurting someone. How many times have I hurt him without noticing? How many times have I hurt anyone without noticing?

Kacchan has cried more this summer, than I've seen him do in the past three years... and it was my fault.

Throughout the day, I kept trying to distract myself from this revelation... but did I really deserve to? I hurt Kacchan. Maybe I deserved to hurt to. I tried to distract myself from the guilt... but did I deserve to go without it? Maybe this was divine punishment.

I wracked my brain, trying to think of a way to fix this.

I couldn't apologize because Kacchan wasn't even seeing my texts... maybe I could call Mr Aizawa, and he could put me on the phone with Kacchan... but that might just annoy him if he wants to be left alone.

The cup had already been thrown away... so I couldn't fix it. If I could, then there would be no more reason to be upset with Kacchan. No broken cup, no hurt feelings. But the cup was gone, along with my chance to fix it.