sukhoon : Willing

Chapter 6

What?! No!! He isn't...

Hyung don't lie! I've been observing you since last year....

You what-

Your behaviour is a lot more different than before when you are around him....

What?... It's nothing like that

Doyoungah...can you leave hyung and me for a minute, I have something personal to talk to him, hmm?

Alright...I will be at the other dorm, call me when you are done. Take care hyungs!

Now!! Hyunsuk hyung!!! Tell me what's going on?!

What? What are you talking about....

Did Jihoon hyung did something of you? Did he tell you you are not pretty or something? What is it .....

What are you trying to say?!!

Hyung don't deny it!! I know your secret!!! You hate him and pretends to be fine with him!!! And I am the only person who knows this among our group, then why cry for him or because of him?

Yaah!! I still hate him.. nothing changed, I just....

Nothing changed? Really?! Then what about your drastically changed behaviour on Jihoon since last year?

Heh?

You act all pretty and cute and tiny, always fixing you hair and putting on lip balm or choosing clothes of the colours he liked... Do you want him to notice you and be pleased?

No!!! What are you saying...it's nothing like that!! Fashion is fashion and I don't act pretty I am!!!

Then how would you explain this, before you wouldn't even look at him while you two talked but since last year... you've been stealing glances of him and smiling so dearly whenever he does something...and don't deny even teumes are able to see this change.

Wh-

And how can we forget about how you always gets shy and happy throughout the whole day when he compliments you or hugs you or does anything to you which didn't happen before. And how you would get all sulky when he is playing or having skinship with other members. How do you explain this hyung?....

I- I.....ugh!!! Fine!!! I do get happy and shy! And I do get angry when he is with someone else, and I know I act all those in front of him but I can't control it!! It happens on its own!! I too don't know what's happening to me!!! I just don't want it feel this way anymore, it feels burdensome to have this feeling inside of me and always being afraid that I might do something that he won't like and start to go away from me, I do not want him to leave me anymore!! I wasn't like this ...I am not like this.... there's something wrong in me...I hate myself!! I hate myself!! I hate Jihoon for this!! I don't know what's wrong with me!!! I can't help it!!!!!! I hate myself!!!!

Hyung!...calm down, calm down. Don't get panicked, we'll do something about this...you just have to open up more to how you feel, you can't just suppress everything you feel then it will of
Hyung? No matter what you'll always be his first priority...or did he tell you he don't care for you anymore.

No nothing like that...the thought just came to me....... Besides he only said that when I was asleep, so he shouldn't be serious...tch! Such an asshole...

What?

It's nothing...just know that he didn't do anything, it's just my wild thoughts.

........

What?

So what about now hyung? Are you starting to like the one you hate the most?

Hm?...I don't know yet! I am afraid...

Hyung....let me tell you something, its finally time to let things go...what happened to you was in the past, don't you think you also have the right to have someone whom you love just like him. You have to get through this..you can't just be stuck in denial forever, besides Jihoon hyung is the best for you, he takes care of you like no other, he cares for you and always be there when you need him..even when we're trainees he was the that comfort you through hard times, he gave you strength to move further, he tried to be there in every aspect of your life not as a part but just a guardian making sure that the part you are having are suitable for you and aslo fought with that jerk for you of course, i think he might also have feelings for you, hyung.

But it's hard yedamah.....you know-

I know hyung....but you are finally getting a chance to love and be loved again. Forget about what that jerk said and did to you, this isn't worth a trauma, you have to try to come out of your trauma, open up your heart hyung, even if you can't to others but at least for Jihoon hyung, I am sure he'll be more than happy to be inside. Hyung, you need this and you have to or else you'll never get over your past. You have to
learn to love again.

With him?...the person I hate the most...

Park Jihoon.