Need You -N.H- Book Two

Nineteen; Burning Bridges

Burning Bridges

"Why did you call?" Louis says stepping into the apartment. "Needed to yell at someone for awhile?"

"Can you just shut up?" I say pointing to the couch "and sit down."

"Oh I'm allowed to sit on your couch now," he laughs "there was a time when you told me I wasn't allowed to sit on it because I was a hobo."

"You still are, shut up and sit down... jesus boy." He sits down across from me, I rest myself on the coffee table and study him for a second. He's dressed better today, a clean shirt and new jeans. His hair is cut and push back off his head like he actually cared how he looked coming over here.

"What's up Winters?" he says.

"I got a call yesterday," I say trying to hold in my excitement. "I'm cancer clean as of eight months."

"That's amazing," he says pushing forward for a hug but he stops and leans back. He's hesitant to do anything and with fair reason the last time we sat like this he kissed me, taking me off guard. But I'm so happy I don't care I lean forward and grab him. I pull him in tightly and hug him for a long time. Just resting in him and thinking about how nice it was to be thoughtless, just for a moment.

"It feels so good," I breathe out, "so good."

I lean back from him but he keeps my hand in his own and breathes a deep breath before opening his mouth to speak. "Can I say something without you getting mad?"

I go to say something but he just shakes his head, "I know you'll get mad but just listen, alright?" I nod.

He scoots forward on the couch and positions his knees between mine before he starts. "The past two weeks of watching you walk around me, not speak to me, talk at me but not caring about what you're even saying. I realized something," he drops his head.

"I need you just as much as you needed me these last months, I thought I was past things. Like hating Niall for everything in the past three years or missing Chelsea with every bone I have. But you made me confront everything, you made me a better person and I have to thank you for doing so."

"I-" I start to talk but he cuts me off again.

"I know that I'll never have the same love that Niall has gotten from you, frankly after the shit I said I never, ever deserve it. But I need you to keep being my friend because I'm terrified of what I am without you in my life."

"You're ridiculous," I say "The last time you were here you tried to kiss me in a savage attempt to fuck with my head. Now you're here telling me that you want nothing but my friendship?"

"I kissed you because I wanted to, not because I wanted to mess with your head. I-" he stops and closes his eyes. "I love you but sometimes that means only doing what makes you happy. Which is making sure you forgive Niall."

His words hit me like a brick over the head, I stop, words caught in my throat unable to speak anything. All I wanted was to go back ten minutes to when we were smiling and laughing about my health.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" I say, so angry that I almost kick him in the process of standing up and away from him.

"I told you that this would make you angry."

"Angry?" I scoff. "You just nonchalantly told me that you love me!"

"Only to let you understand why I'm here, I just want to make sure that you get what you want out of this. That you walk away from this happy, the last thing I want is you heartbroken. You're the best friend I have... have had in a long time and everything I do it reflects back to you. Every stupid thing I say and do, it affects you and I don't want it to be negative. I only want to make sure you live the life you were supposed to."

"I'm not sure how I'm supposed to process all of this," I say and he laughs at me. He fucking laughs at me, a huge smile on his face he leans back on the couch letting go of himself for a second.

"Do you remember the night we broke into the arena?" He asks and I nod.

"That night when you pretended to collapsed, real fear filled my body and then I quickly realized you were joking. I was so mad at you but I realized something," he finishes.

"What?"

"That I had finally found a friend as reckless and carefree as me, even if you didn't see it at the time. Even if you don't see it now..." He smiles at me. "At the time I didn't know how much I cared for you until you collapsed for real the second time. I was so scared that my entire body shook, my brain was clouded and I didn't even know what to do. But when I pull you up and into my arms, even in all that absolute fear you looked beautiful, you instantly calmed me without knowing it. You have been my rock since you walked into my life and reminded me that I have nothing to be cocky about and that life should be lived more than just a day at a time."

I roll my eyes not even comprehending what he's saying to me, not really. He sighs and runs his hands through his hair, one still badly bruised. "You are the only person I'm alright to make plans with, I want to plan lunches and training sessions until we're sixty. And I don't care if you're married to Niall or dating an ex-con who has three kids, I just want to be your friend until the end."

"Did you think coming here and saying all this shit to me would work?" I say throwing my hands in the air. "Like telling me that you loved me but would step aside if it meant seeing me happy?"

"I had to try," he says.

"So is it?" I ask but he looks confused. "Is it all bullshit?"

"Not a single word, I just want you happy."

"You keep saying that but all I'm hearing is nonsense, you babbling on with false words to get me to forgive you."

"You don't trust me," he says quietly.

"Why should I? I gave you all my trust...every last bit of it. And you used it to throw it in Niall's face, so no I don't trust you."

"How do I get it back?" He asks and I just laugh because this conversation is making me confused, do I forgive him and be his friend like my heart so desperately wants or do I kick him out because I'm not sure if I actually believe him.

"I don't know yet, you've got my head in knots and my heart in pieces...both of you." I say to make sure he knows that it was not just him who's in trouble. "So how about you leave so that I can think about everything you just said, and so that I don't punch you in the face."

"Fair," he says after a few moments of staring at his boots. He looks up at me and stands in his place by the couch. "I'm glad you got good news this week Winters, you deserve it."

"Thanks Lou," I say opening the door for him.

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Louis

When the elevator door shuts my heart sinks in my chest, there I was nothing left to say to her. But at least I tried, Niall was still slinking around and drinking himself to sleep. It was a typical way for him to deal with things and it was annoying because all she wanted was him to say that he loved her more than anyone...ever.

If he hadn't realized what a snake Chelsea was yet then he never would. Which only breaks my heart even more, because he would never give Sarah all the love she deserved. I shake my head looking at the sad state my car was in, one day it would kill me. But never soon enough, the pain I was in seemed unmeasurable to anything else, even death. A deathly chill flows down my spine and it makes me check over my shoulder before I climb into the drivers side. I look up to where Sarah's window looks out and see the light flick on, I had said so much to her that would mess with her head. She deserved sometime to think I could only hope that it wouldn't last that long.

Turning the engine over and driving from the parking lot was hard, it was hard to leave her apartment knowing she was still upset with me. But there was something else bugging me the car that followed me out of the parking lot...

**eleven more update after this. Be ready for shit to hit the fan cause it's about too. Comment and Vote my little bugs, xx**