Wreaking Havoc

undecim

Astrid has been looking at me suspiciously ever since that day I had random vertigo attacks and even told me na baka hindi na'to vertigo at kailangan ko nang magpa-check up. But I knew I wasn't unwell! I was just really tired and sleepy because I've been sleeping less the past few days. Sobrang dami naming ginagawa even with only four lecture subjects without any laboratory units, ang dami pa ring ginagawa. Pero pinili ko naman kasi 'tong medschool kaya dapat kong panindigan.

I shouldn't be thinking of other reasons why I am like this.

It couldn't be otherwise, right? 

Or was I scared to think of another possibility because that could break Eli even more?

I sighed and laid my head back habang nakasandal ako sa bean bag. Astrid probably has another hunch on why I was acting this way, and hindi naman malayo 'yung possibility. It's been five days since Eli and I slept together... I knew it wasn't impossible.

But I wanted to stick with my own belief—na stressed lang ako the past few days kaya nangyayari sa'kin 'to. 

My eyes were tired from all the pathology readings since it was a Wednesday and aside from OB I, may klase rin kami sa Clinical Pathology, kaya lumabas muna ako sa may veranda para magpahangin. I hated Pathology because it was really complex, but we had MedTech classmates who made it easier for us to understand our topics kaya at some point napa-rethink talaga ako ng life choices. I should've taken a medical-inclined subject in college kung dito rin pala ako babagsak... Kung bakit ba naman kasi ako nag-PolSci.

Initially, I really wanted to take something medical—probably Physical Therapy because I've always been eyeing Neurosurgery as a specialty once I graduate from medschool. But mom was really becoming such a pain in the ass so I just took PolSci out of spite, but I grew to love the course rin naman... it's just that when I graduated and my dad was offering to enroll me in Law school, I realized that I couldn't see myself arguing every now and then in court trials. I'd probably just stick to my love for Science, and I'd just watch Eli do that when he's already the Lawyer he wants to become.

I took a deep breath in and sighed at napaupo na lang sa may bench. 

Will I even be able to see him in court just like what he always tells me? I'm pretty sure he looks like a different person whenever he's serious... but I haven't really watched him in debates even back when we were in college. Sabi nila sobrang articulate niya and he'd always know every possible question that his opponents could throw at him, and maybe that's why he was one of the sought-after guys—he wasn't just dashing and sweet, he never really fails to be good at anything.

I was probably spacing out for a couple of minutes but my phone suddenly rang kaya mabilis ko iyong sinagot nang makita ko 'yung pangalan ni Eli sa screen. 

"Good morning," he uttered, his voice sounding raspy. 

"Are you okay?" I asked, worried that he might've caught a cold or something.

Eli chuckled, "I'm okay love, just a little tired," he said which had me sighing in relief. I remained silent because I didn't know what to say because ever since my mom made sure I was really going to leave, guilt has been swallowing me whole for the past few days because I needed to leave Eli all of a sudden... I knew I had to withdraw from him.

But I can't.

I don't know how.

"Love... ikaw, ayos ka lang ba?" Pinilit kong ngumiti sa camera. Eli does know that my parents never liked him for me, but I have never told him about my deal with my mother. Sobrang frustrating ng sitwasyon, but I didn't want to cause even more conflict kapag sinabi ko kay Eli because I didn't want him to do something he'd regret... I know he'd fight for us, and I wanted to fight for us too. Mahal na mahal ko siya, e...