Wreaking Havoc

septendecim

"Message me if you're already in New York, okay?" Dad said, tousling my hair pagkabigay niya ng maleta ko. I only brought one suitcase with me para hindi na'ko ma-hassle. I'd probably just rest for a while when I get to New York before I do all the necessary errands I have to do. They said I was already enrolled so I didn't really have to worry about all the school stuff anymore, "Try to befriend Keith Cojuangco, she's a nice kid. I heard she's also in your class and her dad was looking for a roommate for her, so I suggested you."

I nodded and smiled at napatingin kay Astrid na kanina pa yata nagpipigil ng iyak. Natawa naman ako at kinabig siya papalapit sa'kin at niyakap nang mahigpit.

"Kala mo naman hindi na tayo magkikita."

Astrid frowned, "I'll visit you on vacations, or even on long weekends!" Astrid said. "Message me if you'll... you know."

Natawa ako at tumango, "You'll be the first one to know," I uttered. 

"You take care there, okay?" 

I nodded. I sighed and crouched down when Isla started crying again. She has been crying ever since she realized I was leaving kaya hindi ko na rin mapigilang maiyak. 

"I thought you're a big girl na?" I uttered habang pinupunasan 'yung pisngi ni Isla pero patuloy pa rin siya sa pag-iyak. I pulled her closer to me and hugged her tight as I carress her back para tumahan na siya dahil baka atakihin naman na siya ng asthma, "You can see me every once a while..."

Isla pulled away from the embrace, tears still brimming at the corners of her eyes, "Really? I can still see you, ate?"

I nodded and smiled, "Yes, so don't go crying already, okay? I'll always call you and then when it's summer, I'll ask Dad to bring you there. Okay?"

Isla finally started to smile. Such a little kid.

"Don't cry na, okay? I'll be boarding soon."

Isla nodded and hugged me again, "I will miss you ate..." she whispered. "Thank you for staying by my side whenever I'm scared."

Ngumiti ako.

"Call me when you're scared, okay?"

Isla nodded.

I didn't stay for long at nagpaalam na sa kanila dahil tinatawag na rin 'yung flight number ko. Hindi rin naman ako natagalan at nakapasok agad ako sa loob ng eroplano because everybody knew who my parents were. When I finally got inside, I decided to reactivate my Instagram and post photos on my story because a part of me still wanted Eli's friends to tell him that I was leaving.

I'm sure right now, he wouldn't care already after everything I told him... 

Napasandal na lang ako sa upuan at napapikit, hinayaang tumulo ang mga luhang kanina ko pa pinipigilan. I didn't want anyone to see that I was afraid to leave... Natatakot naman kasi talaga ako. This wasn't a part of my plan in life... maybe because I was too shallow to think of the possibilities that my mom would do just to break us apart.

I can't help but be scared, but it wasn't just me anymore... I have my child with me. I shouldn't get scared.

For the whole 8-hour flight to Dubai, natulog lang ako at kumain magdamag—the bar in front was enticing but I really had to control myself. I wanted to eat something unhealthy para naman makapag-destress, but I needed to be a picky eater for my baby kaya nag-request ako beforehand sa flight attendant na as much as possible, puro veggies because I was pregnant. I was just grateful that even if I was stressed the past few days, Manang was just by my side to attend to my needs because even when it feels like I wasn't that sensitive when it comes to my pregnancy, I knew I still needed to be careful lalo na't sobrang stressful sa bahay.