The Cataclysm {Rick Grimes x Male! Oc}

Chapter 04: Confession

"The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart."
-- Hellen Keller

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

During pre-deployment, service members work closely with family and loved ones to complete various tasks before being deployed. It's the required time needed for service members to undergo (re)training, briefings, various medical evaluations and a mental health assessment.

(Re)training allows soldiers to enhance readiness, safety and security awareness; as well as knowledge of field conditions and fundamental peacekeeping policies and procedures. It also ensures newly deployed staff the ability to integrate safely and quickly into missions. If they had even one person as a weak link, everyone had the potential to be defeated.

 Physical health screenings are intended to establish a baseline physical and emotional health status. Such information may be found from an entrance physical examination to determine fitness for-duty examinations. This baseline information allows for more informed interpretations of possible post-deployment adverse effects and is potentially valuable when exposure information is difficult to obtain, interpret or is absent.

Mental health screening helps ensure force health protection and readiness and provide for the well-being of service members. These conditions, risks and concerns can threaten an individual's life, health, or capacity to function. There are two major approaches for these screenings. The first is to identify troops who are already experiencing debilitating medical and psychological illnesses before deployment. The second is to identify soldiers who are considered healthy but who have a "propensity" to break down in battle or develop chronic psychological problems.

When Arthur received a call from Lieutenant Colonel James Adler, his heart sank instantly when given the news. His leave had been cancelled by an Air Force Senior Non-Commissioned Officer (SNCO). His orders were to report to Camp Lejeune before his deployment to North Korea for advanced (pre)training; as well as to receive his briefing for their assigned mission. The issue that troubled him the most was the fact of him being gone for over ten months. All he could focus on was how far and how long he'd be away from Rick. Would he lose interest in the highly accomplished military man? Would he move on with his life and unite with another? Would he give up on a possible long-distance relationship just as many before him.

One week before his mobilization and two days after he had acquired both his mental and physical reports, Arthur felt sharp dread for having to leave. Having those papers was enough to disrupt his thoughts every time he thought of or looked at them. For the first time in his decade of service, he felt a strong urge to deny deployment.

As Arthur was packing what he was allowed (and needed) to bring when abroad, the intense desire to stay was so strong that it felt as though it could have been a separate, physical entity all its own. Yet, even though he desperately yearned to remain where he was, he refused to just abandon his fellow marines when they had informed him of his necessary and required presence. The fact that he was a Captain only cemented his loyalty and requirement to his comrades. 

The moment he had finished packing his camo military bag, he suddenly heard a knock on his apartment door. Opening the entrance without hesitation, he was met with the one person to give him true and pure peace of mind.

After having been invited inside, Rick immediately felt as though something had changed; something different than usual. The penny then dropped as he laid his eyes on the packed up military duffel in a corner by the front door. Eyes darting back to Arthur, he silently and emotionally asked for specifics, solely through his sorrowful gaze. To which prompted the sir to sigh deeply and nodded. "The Lt. Colonel called." he quietly informed, not wanting to say such troubling revelations. "I have to report to Camp Lejeune before I deploy."

When the news slowly sunk in, indescribable emotions enveloped them both. "When do you leave?" Rick forced himself to ask, trying to remain as composed as possible.

Arthur watched his reaction carefully as he spoke, "Three days." The words festered in the air between them like a toxic cloud from a volcano.

Rick shook his head and looked to the floor. "How long will you be gone?"

"Ten months. At the most."

The extensive length made Rick feel overwhelmed and became intensely needful to admit his true affections while he still could. "In that case, this is a good time to just say it. So, ya know what? I--... I really care about you." he hesitantly said, then continued with brief confidence boosting him with temporary courage. "It's something I can't even begin to accurately describe in words. I've tried to figure it out. Tried to put words to the madness. To understand the amount of emotions that overwhelm me at the very thought of you. I can't even pinpoint the exact moment it happened either.

"Whenever I think about you, I feel like I have the deepest, most dire addiction. It feels like I cannot go a minute without thinking of you and wondering what you're up to. I just wish that I could spend more time with you, learn every detail I possibly can about you. I want to be your best friend and most trusted confidant. There is nothing more than I could ever hope for in life than to be at your side for as long as we can." Now that he was finally spilling his long-thought-of truths, he felt glad for having finally admitted what he'd been dying to say for days.

Arthur furrowed his brow, greatly wanting to feel happiness and acceptance from everything he was being told. But he also knew of his wife. His son. He couldn't partake in an advanced and inclusive relationship when the sir still had a spouse/family. He refused to allow, and partially cause, someone else's life to be infected by such a betrayal. "What about Lori, your wife?" he inquired, greatly wishing Rick was the type to knowingly cheat without concern for others.

"We had a talk a few nights ago... We're separated. All we have to do now is deal with the messy divorce process." His hopeful eyes remained trained solely on the conflicted Captain. "You are the impossible that came without warning; you had my heart before I could say no. You've got the arms I want to be wrapped in. You've got the eyes I want to get lost in. You've got the smile I can never resist. You've got the voice I want to listen to for hours. I decided on you; I want you and only you." he described the best way he could think of in the moment; desperate to have his truths be known and hopefully accepted.

The more he spoke, the more Arthur found it harder and harder to keep a level head; knowing his deployment was not optional nor negotiable. "When we first met, I didn't want to get involved with anyone. I didn't have the time or energy and I didn't think I was ready for it. But the moment I saw you... I somehow knew of your importance. I got swept up in that and, little by little, I found myself falling for you, too." the soldier admitted without even a touch of shyness. Rick couldn't help the smile that erupted across his face uncontrollably, over joyed by his reciprocated attraction. Perhaps they could make it work, after all. 

All his life, Rick thought he had been living a happy, merry, exciting and over all fascinating life. But it's nothing when compared with the life when you're in love. One day he realized that his life was black and white and only Arthur's potential love was embellishing it with striking colors. What is more, every new day brought new colors, surprising him by their multiformity. It's like he found himself in a new world all together; the world just of two persons, where they will live eternally.

"I--... I think I love you..."