What About Her?

11.

Perrie sat up hearing her room door open. Leigh-Anne quietly closed the door behind her. She held a finger up to her mouth signaling for Perrie to be quiet. Leigh-Anne reached into a plant pot pulling a wire and turning the small device off.

"Hey baby" She tried to hug Perrie but Perrie pushed her away.

"Dont hey baby me. You ignored me the whole time earlier."

"I'm sorry about that, I really am, there have been superintendents observing us to see how we run our rehab facilities. I didn't mean to treat you like that. I can't let them know that I have favorites."

"I'm your favorite?"

"You know that you are." Perrie smiled, hugging Leigh-Anne. 

"I missed you so much"

"Me too, I'm sorry I missed our v-date." She sat on the side of Perrie's bed.

"Its okay"

"Its not okay, I know how hard you work, soon as they leave I'll make it up to you alright?" Perrie nodded. 

"And I really came here to say that I am so so so proud of you for not using it.""

"I almost did"

"But you didn't and that's what matters most, when next month comes you'll be out of here. Aren't you excited?"

"Not really"

"Why not?"

"I don't have anywhere to go, no one wants to hire a junky."

"Stop with the name calling Perrie."

"It's true. Where am I going to go?"

"People dont have to know about your past. We have a new program here, if you would like I can help you apply. You can work here and help other people  get and stay sober. As it would be your third month clean you will have paid training. After you get your sixth month chip you will start working."

"They didnt have that before"

"They didnt, I pitched the idea and they agreed. Thats actually what got me the promotion."

"Congratulations!! You deserve it. Wait. . . .This was all you?"

"what was all me?"

"The patient jobs and Patient of the month?"

"Yeah, I want to find ways to help transition you guys back into the real world and reward you all when you do well."

"You have no idea how much I love you. I am so grateful for you Leigh-Anne. Can we cuddle? I really missed you"

Leigh-Anne laid down in the bed with Perrie facing her.

"Im grateful for you too"

"For what?"

"You've helped me."

"No, you helped me"

"We helped each other. You helped me feel like a person again. I love my job and all, but before I met you it was just work and sleep. It was like I lost touch with my emotions. The first time one of patients committed suicide, I was eighteen, I literally couldnt sleep at night, I was so messed up. They sent me to therapy. I felt like it was my fault and from that day I took care of all my patients as if they were my parents, well people I care about. When they were still killing themselves I knew it wasn't me. I became immune to walking into their rooms and seeing them hang them selves or large puddles of blood from where they've cut their wrists and necks. Sometimes it felt like I was trying more than them and it pissed me off. So it was nice to have you. Once we had our serious talk that day you started proving to me that you wanted to get better. Especially when you gave me that bag earlier. I would see their parents,spouses,friends and children come in here and they still act like drugs were more important, like it was worth losing family over. No offence"

"None taken, youre not talking about me. . . .Are you?"

"No. No one specific, just the idea of thinking a substance is more important that your family"

"No one wants to value drugs that much babe but its really addictive and honestly family isnt the most supportive and a lot of people disown their relatives when they turn to drugs. People dont understand that we turn to drugs for reasons."

" Im sorry, i probably sound like an insensitive asshole."

"No you don't, it's how you feel. Can I ask you a question?"

"Yeah."

"You don't have to answer if it's too personal. I'm just curious. Why do you feel so strongly about drug addicts and so passionate about us getting clean? Were you one?"

Leigh-Anne laughed a bit.

"No, I lost my parents to drugs when I was young and raised by my grandmother."

"Both of them?" Leigh-Anne didn't say anything.

"Sorry, I'm being nosy"

"No its fine. My dad overdosed and My mom, it took a toll on her. They were really close and she . . . Uh. . . She um." Perrie saw her eyes fill with tears it was obviously a sensitive subject for her.

"You don't have to say. I'm really sorry. It must have been hard." She hugged Leigh-Anne. Smoothing her straight hair back.

"I've never told anyone that" She said quietly.

"Well thank you for trusting me. How do you feel?"

"It was years ago Pez" Leigh-Anne smiled.

"So, You don't forget about something like that. How do you feel?"

"I feel. . . Hurt. It still hurts me. I felt like it was really fucking selfish on both their ends. He chose drugs over us and she chose him over us. I would never do that to my children"

"You don't know what you would do if you were in his shoes babe"

"Yeah but I wouldn't do that!"

"I'm sorry. I don't mean to upset you. I'm just saying you do things you usually wouldn't when under the influence or during desperate times. Are you mad at them?"

"Yes. . .why wouldn't I be. It makes me even more upset that I think about it everyday. They're in the back of my mind everyday they don't even think about me. They cant think about. They didn't think about me, Perrie. I grew up without parents when i didn't have to. This was completely unavoidable. It would've made it better if I didn't know them, but I knew them, I was old enough to know I was four, Perrie. Four years old." She hugged Leigh-Anne close. She was surprised that Leigh-Anne was being so open and vulnerable. She didn't really talk about her personal life and now she knows why.

Perrie didn't say anything, she didn't feel like it was appropriate for her to do so. Leigh-Anne turned away from her and perrie backed up assuming she needed space.

"Hold me please" Leigh-Anne grabbed Perrie's arm putting it around her. Perrie laid right behind her. She kissed Leigh-Anne behind her ear before leaning her forehead on her back.

"I love you Leigh-Anne." Perrie said softly.

"I love you too."