entry #17
maybe it was the fact that na jaemin grew up in a dysfunctional family that made him struggle with seeking what love was suppose to be. his only reference of love was the lee family anyways, and that didn't even last for that long. maybe it was the idea of love that was confusing.
he couldn't necessarily tell what was suppose to be love and what was just some fake words of affection. the idea of all of it didn't make sense, and it drove him mad. all he was doing was playing the role for fucks sake. all he ever did was play along.
how was he even suppose to be feeling, it didn't matter either way, he didn't necessarily find joy in dating anyone in his life anyways. just playing around to get the experience everyone was so desperate for. it didn't even feel good, nor was it any fun that people liked to say it was.
even then, they were all too needy for his liking. they'd rather date him for his money rather than how shitty his personality is. he doubted that any of them were truly in love as they loved to tell him over and over again. he managed to be the most unbearable person to be around yet people continued to fall star struck.
"na jaemin, you're looking rather unbearable today." the haechan boy snorted, dropping by to see what he was all up to. "don't you have better things to do? go eat renjun's face or something." he rolled his eyes, not wanting to deal with this right now.
"ah my honey, he's busy doing something right now. so i thought i'd bug my favourite na." he stuck out his tongue, clearly dedicated to making fun of this dude. "so you're telling me that you have no friends? good on you." he snorted, resting his head on his hand and boredly thought about what he'd have for lunch that day.
"did you hear, there's a new transfer to your class soon. some japanese chick." he raised an eyebrow, the other was never too interested in new students. especially any specific details, like their ethnicity for starters. "why should i care?" he never really put much thought into other people.
the lee boy rolled his eyes, it made him more confusing than anything. "you love messing around with people, why not give it a try. i'll give you good money." he motioned to a large amount. it was just a way for them to joke about bets in a light hearted way. "why would i? she's probably boring and desperate like everyone else."
glaring at him, he still didn't get why this would be any importance to him. "i don't know, seems like something you'd say and then end up doing anyways." he shrugged. "let me know if you're up for it. i'll set up the price once you're ready. soobin said we're hanging downtown tonight."
covering his nose with his sleeve, the smell of cigarettes was the worst fucking thing in the world. no matter how bored he was, he would never even think of smoking. yet it seemed like this group's favourite thing was smoking and drinking. they're lowering their life expectancy more than him and he had a week where he was off medication.
cigarettes only ever reminded him of a shitter time. even then, cigarettes weren't even that good. there was nothing to them that made them any less shitter than it already was. nicotine wasn't even that good.
"my favourite na, aren't you enjoying yourself here?" sitting beside the boy on the ground, he huffed out a cloud of smoke making him cough and choke. "i hate you a little bit more when you're smoking." he choked, having the worst time ever.
"i heard from a little birdie that you're in love with japanese chick. orange hair girl you know." he smirked, poking at the boy with his free hand. "what's it to you bitch boy." shrugging off the boy's arm wrapped around his shoulder. "it's just funny, i remember you would make fun of my relationship with the cunt and now i can make fun of you with your relationship."
