entry #18
holding her head, this splitting headache was gonna drive her insane. it was gonna tip her off more than anything today, especially if she was gonna get bugged by lee jeno the entire day. noisy idiot. sighing, she was really not feeling it today, and definitely not feeling well.
considering calling her mom to pick her up, she looked over to the door and smiled. waving to the black haired boy as he entered. "you look more like shit than normal." he snorted, patting her head as he sat down. "wow, thanks jamie. really appreciate that." rolling her eyes, she laid her head against her table.
"something bothering you clementine?" grabbing the homework from beneath the girl's head, he silently copied it as he always did. not too bothered in getting yelled at for doing so again. "only this head splitting fuck of a headache." she groaned, lightly hitting her face against the table. "did you know 4% of the population has never experienced a headache? what a bunch of lucky bitches"
tsking, he only chuckled at her irritated state. "you're so cute." he cooed, patting at her head. "i thought jeno was gonna make me annoyed today. turns out, it's you." retracting his hand, he slid her homework back to her and smiled innocently.
"do you wanna hang out after school with jeno? get your head cleared? you can just steal jeno's notes today." he smiled sweetly, more concerned about her health than anything happening right now to them all. he'd do anything for her to be happy. it was just the cost of it all that'd lead to his own unhappiness.
"jeno, what should i do if i ever fell in love?"
"what kind of question is that jaem? are you drinking again?" the lee boy raised an eyebrow, confused at this sudden questioning. he never struck his best friend as the type to confine himself to a long term relationship. it would be stressful seeing him worry about every little detail that could ruin him.
he shrugged, taking the boy's notebook to read over the notes for the class. "if i fell in love, do you think you'd be able to help me make it last forever?" these questions becoming more and more strange to him. why was he thinking about this so suddenly. whenever he'd talk about his girlfriend, the other would shun him and gag for having thoughts about women.
"depends, you seem to move on from girl to girl a lot. are you sure you're even gonna be able to find someone you like?" he snorted, feeling him get hit from those harsh words. to be fair, it wasn't like he was lying or anything. his annoying hobby that he enjoyed doing. which meant that he had to deal with it too.
"i don't know. i just have this weird feeling you know?" rolling his eyes, he passed the notebook back and went to take more things from the lee boy's bag. getting noises of disapproval as he continued. "if you can prove that you're really in love with someone, i'll consider helping you jaem. we're friends." he muttered. making him freeze up and dropping the bag overall. with a shocked but slightly happy expression. "yeah, we are friends."
it's hard to remember a lot of details in things after a few years right? i'm not delusional? it feels like something is missing in my life. it feels like something is missing. i can't tell what is missing. i can't remember what i have forgotten. maybe it's better when i forgot. it suppresses the bad that i've committed. i can't say i'm surprised.
i wish i understood why i grew tired. i wish i understood why this memory of na jaemin was so haunting. i wish and i wish. but i know better than that. because i wished for a fate that i would never know the ending of. it's hard to know what fate has in store for you when you begin to change it's course of path.
sometimes you live a life unfulfilling. but you won't know it was unfulfilling till you've reached the end of your lifeline. maybe it was because i haven't even reached the beginning that i feel like my life is on a rocky path. there's still so much to do. there's still so much to remember. i don't know why i'm feeling so emotional right now.
