Crash

Penelope's Choice

New York, around 2 years ago. A busy stadium, but they're in his dressing room, away from the crowds. Penelope is excited, but nervous all the same. 

"This is a joke, right?"

"No," Penelope said, her tone nervous. The skin on her wrists was red from where she'd scratched it, a coping mechanism she'd developed since they'd been together. "Britney sent it through yesterday. I auditioned for it so long ago, but I never heard back. I just figured they'd chosen someone else, but they didn't. They chose me."

"Right."

"And, you know, it'll be hard, sure, but this is a proper role. This isn't another TV show, this is an oscar-worthy movie role. This could be my big break."

When he looked at her, his eyes were cold. Outside the dressing room, the arena bustled with life. He was already dressed for the show, and maybe his mind was elsewhere but it didn't matter. This was the only time they'd spent together in weeks. He was either too busy touring or she was working, and they could never seem to find a happy in between. There was plenty of time before he had to be on stage, but that didn't seem to matter. "It's in London, Penelope. We live in L.A."

"I know that, but-"

"For nine months. What about me?"

Penelope felt like she was fighting against the current, struggling to stay above water as her head was forced under water from above. "We'd still be together. We'll do long distance! But this is my dream. This is my big break, and-"

"You said that already," he snapped. "I just don't understand why you can't do something here, in L.A."

"The movie is filming in London. I can't change that."

He shrugged, like it wasn't his problem. "So don't take the job then."

Penelope knew she was fighting a losing battle. She could scream at him until her voice gave way and he still wouldn't hear her. Still, she kept trying. Story of her life. "Do you understand what you're telling me to do?"

"Do whatever you want, Penny, but I can't promise you I'll still be here when you're done."

"You're asking me to give up on my dreams. This could change everything for me-"

"If you loved me, you wouldn't even be considering this."

For a moment, they just stared at each other, his expression a glare and hers on the verge of tears. There was no universe, no plausible reality where she would have said that to him. She should have walked out, but she was too much of a coward. She hated herself for that. 

"That's not fair, Harry. You're being mean."

"Stop playing the victim for once. You don't think this is hard for me, too? I'm just trying to make us work, Penny, but it won't. Not if you're not going to try."

"I am trying. This is me trying."

"Really? Taking a job halfway across the fucking world is trying then, is it?"

A tear slipped down her cheek as she shrunk into herself, standing small against the wall like a schoolchild being scolded by the headmaster. "I think I should go. Enjoy the show. I hope it's everything you wanted it to be."

"Great, so now you're leaving. I'm playing Maddison Square Garden, and you're leaving?"

"I don't want to argue anymore. If I stay, that's all we'll do."

"Fine. Walk away, Penelope. You're good at that."

It wasn't often that Penelope raised her voice. Sure, she was passionate and she could get angry sometimes, but it was rare that she lost it. But in that moment, hearing him say those words, make her choose between him and her career, forcing her into something she didn't want...it was safe to say that her emotions were far from being in check.