Crash

Clean

The waiting room was quiet. Even with all the bustle and urgency of the hospital, the room was quiet. Somehow, that made everything worse. 

Penelope was sat in chair in the corner, her body heavy from exhaustion. Charles was beside her, one arm around her shoulders, the other hand holding hers, resting in her lap. As soon as she'd hung up the phone, they'd caught the first plane out, getting there as soon as they could. Even with all the urgency in the world, the flight was still twelve hours long. No matter what she did, she couldn't get there any faster. They'd arrived in the early hours, the waiting area shut, her brother's room off limits until the morning. She'd begged the staff, but they'd refused, offering them a seat in the waiting room until then. Deflated and too tired to go back to her house with nothing in it, she'd taken it. 

As for her family, they weren't here yet. The nurse that they'd spoken to had told her that they'd been sent home for the night to get some rest, reassured that if there was any change, they'd be contacted. For now, Frankie was stable, but it was touch and go. His heart was badly damaged. Best scenario, he'd be in rehabilitation for a while. Worst case...she couldn't even think about it. 

At some point, she had to face them. A year ago, she couldn't of been in this place without them. Now, the thought of seeing them made her feel sick. She knew they'd blame her. They'd blame her for not being there for Frankie, or for leaving home when the family was already falling apart. The same old argument they'd been having since she'd decided to move away would come up again and again and again. No matter what she did, she'd always be the villain. They'd never forgive her now. Maybe she didn't deserve it, anyway. 

"It's going to be okay," Charles said quietly, running his hand up and down her arm. 

Penelope's stare was void as she stayed rigid, her eyes red from crying all night. "I know you're trying to make me feel better, but please don't."

Charles went to argue, but he knew better. "You should eat something."

"I'm not hungry."

"Okay. How about a walk, then? Fresh air might help-"

"Please just leave me alone," she snapped, putting her head in her hands. Charles didn't take it to heart. He knew she wasn't really angry at him, that she'd try to push him away because she was hurting. They'd been together so long that reading each other was all too easy. Today, that was a good thing. 

Without realising, she'd turned away from him, creating a gap between them. With a gentle touch, he took her hand again, their fingers locking together. It was a simple gesture, but it meant so, so much. She gripped his hand, wishing she had the energy to hug him. She always felt safer when he was holding her.

"I'm sorry."

"I know," he said lightly, not an ounce of anger in his words.

"I didn't mean to say that."

"I know," Charles said again, bringing her knuckles to his lips and planting a tender kiss there. "I'm here for you. Whatever you need, you just tell me."

Truthfully, she wasn't sure what she needed. It was hard to say or to know what would make her feel better, because there was nothing anyone could do. In a few hours, she had to prepare to say goodbye to her big brother. She had to come to terms with the fact that he might not make it through the next twenty four hours, that she could lose him at any moment. There was nothing that could lessen the pain of that.

"I don't know if I can do this," she confessed, the words spilling out like water breaking through a dam. 

"You can."

"I can't, Charlie. I can't...I can't say goodbye."

Her partner's eyes were misty now too. His voice took on a sterner tone, like he knew he had to push her, that it was what she needed even if she didn't know it herself. "You have to, Penelope. You have to say goodbye. Because one day, if he doesn't make it and you lose him, you're going to look back on this day and wish that you'd held his hand one more time. That you said something differently, or spent those extra minutes with him while you could. It's going to kill you, but you have to do it."