absquatulate

15. three months

TW : mentions of suicide. please skip over if you don't feel comfortable.

alaska had officially been home in san jose for three months now. thomas was back from world juniors so now he was putting his full attention on alaska, and getting ready for the nhl season.

while being in san jose by herself, hope was struggling, going through postpartum, having to wake up every hour to feed and change alaska, having to pump milk all the time, it was taking a toll on hope.

"how's my baby girl?" thomas asked, walking into the nursery. hope was rocking alaska to sleep in the rocking chair.

"tired." hope replied, her eyes closing slightly.

"here, go take a nap. i'll put alaska down." thomas told her. hope handed alaska to thomas and went towards their bedroom.

"i love you, baby girl. don't you ever forget it. i'll be with you forever." thomas whispered, rocking alaska back and forth.

"you're prefect." thomas smiled, tears forming in his eyes. he placed alaska down in the crib and watched her sleep.

after a while, he decided to check up on hope. he walked down to their bedroom and opened their door, but when he didn't see her in bed, he went on a hunt for her.

"hope?" he asked, knocking on the connected bathroom door. when he didn't hear an answer, he slowly opened the door. thomas didn't see hope there, but he didn't see that none of her stuff was in the bathroom.

thomas ran over to their closet, seeing her clothes were no longer hanging up. he grabbed his phone and called her, it heading straight to voicemail.

he went out to the living room and saw that the car she had rented was gone. thomas noticed a note on the coffee table and he picked it up, sitting down on the couch to read it.

thomas,
im so, so, so sorry im leaving but it's what i have to do. i thought i was able to raise a baby, but im wrong. she's just too much and i know i can't do it on my own. soon, you'll be leaving for weeks at a time, and i'll be on my own once again.
postpartum has taken a toll on my life and at times i just wanted to kill myself. it was so hard not having you here to help me through it. i needed someone to talk too, but you were always busy with hockey and i didn't want to bother you.
i know you love alaska just as much as i do, so you need to keep her. don't put her up for adoption. she needs you, thomas, just like i needed you.
i dont need you calling me, i'll be changing my number. im going to live my life. the life i've always wanted. one without a baby. don't come looking for me, no calls, just look out for alaska. im sure you're new girlfriend will love helping out with her and even call her mommy.
im sorry thomas, but it's what i need to do. tell alaska i love her and that i'll be with her when she's older.
- hope

thomas ran a hand over his face, realizing that he was the reason hope left. he was going to have to do this all on his own with no one to help him.

he knew he couldn't even try to reach out to hope. he knew that she would cover her tracks well.

"im screwed. im fucking screwed." thomas whispered to himself, trying not to cry.