Hours turned to days, days turned to weeks, weeks turned to months, months turned to years. Today marked two years since I lost Cooper, time does heal. Somewhat, but I relive that day every year on June 9th. The image of his dead body in his car is burned into my head, it wasn't fair, his situation. I still partly blame myself.
Mauvesturniolo
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Mauvesturniolo hey coopey, I really really miss you. I miss you more than I could ever explain, I thought time would make it easier, but it doesn't. I relive that day they said you were gone everyday in my worst nightmares. You would've loved Nora, she loves looking at pictures of you, and she said she wishes she would've been able to paint her nails and vice Verca. I can't believe it's been two years, or 730.43 days or 17532 hours, or 526000 minutes. No matter how you do the math it's all the same. I love you so so much Cooper.
Matt reminded Nora what today was so she wouldn't ask a bunch of questions, she tried her best to make me feel better. Like making me breakfast, even if it was only a bowl of cereal and a banana, she even painted my nails colours that she thinks that uncle cooper would've liked, and she couldn't of been more accurate.
I didn't really do much, I was kind of just there. If it weren't for Chris nick and Matt keeping Nora content I probably would've went crazy.
Grief is weird. The stages of grief hardly ever happen in order, sometimes you don't feel them until later, others they all hit you at once. Some days you feel fine, others you just want to die. I couldn't kill myself now, I have a husband and two kids but that's what I feel like doing today.
We had decided to go home today since none of us had a clean pair of clothes, but none of us felt like leaving one another.
"How about you guys go home, get a shower and whatever else you need to do and then Nick and I can come over" Chris said as we gathered the things we brought over
"Yea that sounds fine" I said nodding my head
We all agreed and we made our way home. Well, to get something to eat first since it was lunch and none of us had ate.
Nora was contently watching a movie on the car tv we had installed recently as she ate her food in peace, Matt and I occasionally shared a few words as the radio played softly.
I couldn't really focus, which was ironic because my future by Billie eilish was playing. So I decided to just think, that was a stupid thing to do but I didn't really care anymore.
I felt myself Jump when Matt's hand rested on my thigh, I smiled over at him before redirecting my focus back to the trees passing out the car window.
I looked over at Matt then back at Nora to see her asleep, I smiled at him and mouthed 'i love you' he replied back with 'I love you too' I smiled at him before seeing a car coming towards us full speed.
It all happened so fast, yet so slow. My eyes widened as the car collided with ours.
I saw Matt slowly close his eyes
"Can she hear me"
All I could hear was echos, I wasn't sure if I was alive. I can still see Matt in my head.
Chris was talking, although I couldn't see anything or hear much I could tell it was him, he has that pain in his voice when cooper and Paige died.
"Hey mauve.. can you hear me?"
I tried to squeeze his hand, it took everything in me to just barely squeeze it.
"I feel you.."
"I have to tell you something, okay?"
My head was pounding and I was hurting all over.
"I know your hurting, you broke your ribs and legs.. and arms. The crash was pretty bad"
I could hear the pain lacing his voice
"Mauve I guess what I'm trying to say is.. Matt and Nora are gone, they didn't make it"
I could hear him softly sobbing
"And they said you probably won't make it through the night, and I don't want you to hurt anymore so I think I'm gonna pull the cord.. it's ok to let go now.. you won't hurt anymore and you will get to see cooper Matt Paige and Nora again.. you lost the baby too. Nick wants me to tell you that he loves you.."
I felt my breath hitch, if I even was still breathing.
"I'm so sorry mauve.. I love you so much, save a place for me okay?"
I felt him pull away
Suddenly I felt myself stop hurting.
I looked up to see cooper and Matt with Nora in coopers arms
"Cooper?"
I sprinted towards him
"I've missed you so much! Your gonna love it here"
Christophersturniolo
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Christophersturniolo it hurts me to say this but unfortunately today Matt and mauve along with their two children Nora and the baby that was just recently discovered have passed away. They were killed by a drunk driver on their way home. Receiving the news that I lost my best friends was the worst pain I've ever experienced. Please remember to never drink and drive. I miss you all so much already.
