The Calm and the Storm

20

20

Balisa ako na umuwi sa condo. There's this hole in my heart that I could not seem to fill in. My sister was my anchor. She's there with me through ups and downs. Being like this with her felt like I am walking through an unknown path.

Hindi pa ako nag-dinner pero wala akong ganang kumain. Nakaupo lamang ako sa sahig ng sala at nakasandal sa katawan ng sofa at hinayaan ang sarili kong umiyak. Ilang segundo pa ay may kumatok sa pinto ngunit hindi pa rin ako gumalaw. Wala rin akong planong alamin kung sino ito.

My phone rang and showed Aida's name. Sinagot ko ito at inilapat sa tenga, walang planong magsalita.

"Hello? Nasa labas ako ng condo mo. Nasaan ka ba?" she said.

Hindi ako sumagot. Wala akong ganang sumagot.

"May dala akong ice cream. Sobrang bored ako today at sobrang stressed rin sa work kaya dumiretso na ako rito. Nasaan ka ba?"

I sighed and finally gave up. "The door is not locked. You can come in."

Without hanging up, I heard the door opened. Ako na mismo ang pumutol sa tawag. The lights were not even turned on. Aida was the one who clicked the switch.

"Bakit hindi naka-lock ang pinto mo? Tsaka bakit nakapatay ang ilaw?" rinig kong reklamo niya.

I had no energy to reply. Her footsteps were getting closer. I placed my forehead on my knees as I hugged it. Aida's presence was all over me.

Narinig ko ang kanyang pagbuntong-hininga. "I have ice cream. Puwede natin 'tong kainin."

Nag-angat ako ng tingin. Aida smiled and it made me tear up. She was worried but she never said anything. Instead, inihain niya ang ice cream. Ngunit hindi ko pa rin ito tinanggap.

"Anong problema, Trinity?"

Umiling lamang ako.

"Hindi naman kasi 'yan magiging okay kung hindi mo sasabihin sa 'kin."

"I don't want to talk."

"It's your sister, right?"

Hindi ako sumagot.

"Ano na naman ba kasi ang problema mo sa kanya?"

Mas lalo lamang akong nainis sa tono ng kanyang pananalita. Or maybe I was too stressed. Para bang ang daming nangyari ngayong araw. I was happy last week. The tables have now been turned.

"Aida, I just want to be alone right now."

"Yan ang problema mo, eh. You push people away. Wala kang sinasabi. Napaka-secretive mo na."

Kumunot ang noo ko. "What did you just say?"

"Totoo naman, ah. You always keep it with you. Para bang may pader sa pagitan natin. Alam mo, Jeno Emmanuel is bad for you."

I gasped. The hole in my heart kept getting bigger and bigger.

"Ever since nagkakilala kayo, naging ganyan ka na. First, your relationship with your sister. Second, your relationship with me. You've changed, Trinity."

"Tama na, Aida."

"Hindi, eh. Kailangan mo na kasing matauhan. Para saan ba 'yang pagtatago mo sa relasyon ninyong dalawa? You are hiding it from your sister? Well, she looks like she doesn't even care."

"Please..."

"And think of Jeno Emmanuel! Ikaw lang naman ang nagkakaganyan. He seems cool about it."

I hugged my knees and placed my head on it, letting myself sob as I tried to block out her words. The back of my head kept saying that she was right but I wanted to deny it.