Wonderment (BL)

Chapter Nine

We're two chapters from disaster.... 

ENJOY!

~

Chapter Nine.

I was tired on Thursday. I hadn't slept well that night; mostly because of my mother's drunken screaming through my bedroom door until one in the morning. I'd been too late coming home. It was honestly a relief to actually come to school. At least I had people here who actually cared about me.

Violet was off sick today, so Josh was clinging to my side in lonely despair. But I didn't mind, because I loved him.

At recess, Joel came to find me – I'd missed his call while I'd been with Silas last night, and then hadn't had a chance to message him when I'd gotten home – and he wanted to check if everything was alright.

"Yeah, fine," I blushed. Silas was right there grinning like mad, and I wanted to slap the look off his dumb face. It was so embarrassing. He was going to give everything away.

"Okay..." Joel didn't seem too convinced, but I didn't know what else to say. I could hardly tell him the truth of why I hadn't even noticed he'd called me last night, I felt guilty enough as is.

Joel took my hand and gave it a squeeze. "We're good, though, right?"

"Sure," I nodded, trying to smile without a care.

"Good," he grinned, then leaned in and kissed me on the cheek, before going back to sit with his friends.

Once he was gone, Silas scooted closer and wrapped his arms and legs around me from behind. I tensed up for a second, worried someone might see, but we were alone; Josh had gone off to call Violet. I sighed and lent back against his chest.

"We're good, though, right?" Silas teased, whispering in my ear.

"Oi," I complained, elbowing him in the side. "You know it's your fault he needs reassuring in the first place," I pointed out.

"Sure, but do I regret it?" Silas chuckled. "No, no I do not."

"He's supposed to be one of your good friends..."

"Yeah, but I love you." He said it so blatantly, matter-of-fact. I felt my cheeks flush and was glad he couldn't see my face right now. I laced my fingers with his against my belly, but there was an aching in my chest.

I didn't deserve his love. My mother's words had seeped too far into my soul.

Useless. Annoying. Worthless. Pathetic.

I closed my eyes and tried to push them away.

Friday Violet was back, and she had big plans for this evening.

"You're all coming to mine, and I won't hear a word against it," she declared in Math first period.

"Alright," we all agreed, none of us intending to say a word against it. I'd already brought a change of clothes to school with the intention of staying over at someone's.

At recess Joel sat with us again, but today he was joined by Sophie, Carly and Isaac. Carly didn't even look at me once, so I guessed she wasn't entirely over me blowing her off. I felt bad that I hadn't even thought about her once.

We were sitting on the grass today, because it hadn't rained in a while and the ground was dry. Once I'd finished snacking, Silas rolled onto his side to lay down, resting his head on my leg as a pillow. I froze mid-chew of my last bite of food. Joel was sitting right next to me, and though he didn't say anything, his smile was suddenly gone.