Never Really Over (Bremmy 3)

Chapterish 30

THE PLAZA

We trade the scorching NYC street for The Plaza's air-conditioned lobby. I check the group text on my phone to see where Lauren said she wanted us all to meet. I can't help but wonder who else is already here... And what I'm walking into.

"Fuck me," I breathe to myself.

"What's that babe?" Josh asks, side-eyeing me.

"Oh –Nothing. I just need to pee. One sec," I tell him, glancing around and spotting the bathrooms on the far wall.

I escape into the ladies' water closet in search of a quiet, albeit noble death.

What is happening to me right now? I am successful and hot and have a sexy ass boyfriend and ZERO time for me to be behaving this way. Who cares if I'm about to see Brooks. Who cares if his super chic model girlfriend is here. Who cares about any of it?

I readjust my hair in the bathroom mirror and push my eyebrows up to help me look more awake *ready* or something.

"All good?" Josh asks as I rejoin him.

"Yup."

It's too early to check into our room, but they let us drop our bags at the front desk to be brought up for us when the room is ready. With no suitcase to keep my hands busy, and nothing else I can pretend to do, I decide the time has come at last.

"Come on, Joshi. Lauren said we are meeting at the first-floor bar." I start walking with resolve, my wedges firm beneath my feet.

This is just a weekend. After this, I'll barely ever need to see him again.

Josh rounds the corner first. I focus heavily on the middle-aged man in suit and tie sipping on his espresso in the bar lounge. Then onto the mother and daughter duo wearing matching sundresses and standing in front of the window. Lastly, I train my eyes on the ridiculously glam chandeliers hanging above us.

I hear Nate first. Then see Meg.

Then the rest. My eyes sweep the room without command. Without really looking at them, I can tell it's them.  I can tell it's him.

The answer is, yes, Josh and I are last to arrive. A point that is stressed as Lauren stands (boozily) from the bar and chirps at us.

"Finallllly!" She laughs, champagne flute in-hand. "Emmy and beau are here!"

"Hi guys!" I muster as much cheer as I can possibly fake. For the most part, I am happy to be here and to even see most of these fools.

I hug Lauren, equally jealous of her buzz and hoop earrings. Then Meg. Travis. Etc. Trix throws herself on me in a hug. I think I hear something mumbled in my ear, but then I'm pulled away too quickly.

"This is Josh," I say to everyone. "Yes, yes, he's real."

"Nice to meet everyone in person," Josh says beside me.

Josh shakes hands with the guys and Nate is already asking us what we want to drink.

Trix catches my eye and I can tell she's trying to tell me something –speak to me with just her eyes and our eerie telepathy we sometimes share. No luck today.

Between all the 'hellos' and hugging, I can barely even focus on one person more than 15 seconds let alone order a drink from Nate. Once Whit gets the almost last hug, I find myself stepping back on the opposite side of the bar. Josh is still next to me, but so are two other people now.

I see him before her, not that she is hard to miss in her fashion joggers and somehow elegant, crop top. Our eyes find each other and we hold one hundred conversations in five seconds.

I notice his hair is shorter than it's been in years. I notice he somehow seems like a genuine adult now. I wonder if I've changed as much to him.

I feel Josh beside me and I wonder if I am giving us away.

"Hey," Brooks says first, dispelling the silence before it has time to be awkward.

"Hi."

I can only imagine what my face looks like. I'm smiling, I think. Or at least that's what my head is instructing my lips to do.

"Hey! You must be Emmy." Cece pulls me into a girly hug. You know the kind, like when two girls meet and they're already besties for some reason.

I blink myself back to the Plaza, back to The Champagne Bar, back to the numbingly gorgeous woman standing in front of me.

"Hi. Yes, I am. You must be Cece." I smile.

"Must be, yes." She rolls her eyes at herself as if her stardom bothers her. "And you're Josh?" Cece says, not waiting for his answer before hugging him too.

"Yup," Josh says, surprised, but smiling.

"I recognize you from the group chat –Well, from the pics from the group chat," Cece explains.

So Brooks shares our group chat with her. Shares his phone with her.

"Nice to meet you man," Brooks says, extending his stupid muscly arm out to shake Josh's hand.

"Likewise," Josh says.

I stand between them feeling probably *definitely* dumber than I look. It's only after Brooks takes a swig from his beer and Alex claps him on the back, only after Brody and Lauren start kissing and Meg looks at me with wide eyes, that I have a second to collect myself.

A second to collect my shit.

Cece leans into Brooks and slides her arm around his waist. That's when it clicks: What Trix was desperately trying to communicate to me.

My eyes focus on the ring.

It is quite brilliant. Magnificent and huge and never anything I'd want to live on my finger. It wouldn't look at home there.

Do I say congratulations? Do I pretend not to see it?

"Drink babe?" Josh asks next to me. His expression is clueless. He's not realized anything yet, and it helps me pretend I haven't either.

"Yes, please. Drink me." I flip my hair over my shoulder.

"What are ya drinking, Emmy?" Nate asks behind him.

"I'll have whatever Cece's got. Looks amazing," I say, looking at Cece's drink.

"It's delicious," she says, approving.

And so five minutes later, drink in one hand and Josh's in the other, the weekend begins. I'm amazed at how okay I am. Confused, in the same way a kid is when they don't get the Christmas gift they wanted even though they saw it under their parents' bed a week before, but okay.

There's something in my heart of hearts that I just can't seem to wrap my head around. It's how you can sit or stand in a group of people that you've known your whole life, how you can stand before someone you've seen naked, on their knees and begging, head between your thighs... And yet they sit and stand and cling to their new girlfriend's hand, sorry, fiancée's hand, almost like you don't exist, like maybe you never existed at all.

And as I slink my arm through Josh's and hook his elbow, I sort of understand myself. I still can't wrap my head around it, but I do get it.

What Brooks and I had –it almost seems like a lifetime away, like maybe it never even happened in the first place.