It's Never Easy

Chapter 1 - Arianne

ARIANNE

"Holy fuck."

Not exactly the reaction I had anticipated when I opened the door to my new roommate, but it was the reaction I got. He stood there, imposingly, taking up the entire doorway. Way over six foot with blonde hair and glowing blue eyes. The perfect specimen. My perfect specimen. Like literally my perfect man.

The Lord was tempting me today.

He was looking me up and down, like I had done him. Checking me out, rather possessively, and staring into my eyes as if he could see into my soul. He seemed surprised to see me, like I was a ghost from his past.

"Uhm, hi?" I stuttered awkwardly. What was I supposed to say to that kind of greeting? Wasn't he supposed to be Canadian? Weren't they supposed to be incredibly polite?

"Hi," In his defence, he did look embarrassed, and confused, as did his parents behind him. "Sorry for the outburst..." He seemed to be searching for an excuse. "You're just insanely hot." My cheeks immediately flamed and I ducked my head, staring at his shoes, hoping he wouldn't notice. "I'm Astor, your new roommate." He stuck out his hand. I didn't shake it. Just continued to stare at his feet and took a step back.

"Germaphobe." I said, taking another step back. Because that was a socially acceptable reason for not shaking someone's hand. People didn't question it. If instead I had said, I don't touch men, and then proceeded to dump five years on trauma on him - that raised questions. And I didn't really feel like answering questions, especially not right now, to a stranger.

"Alright, no problem." Although it did in fact seem like it was a problem. It bothered him for some reason. His sharp jaw was set in a hard line and his fists clenched at his side. He seemed to notice me staring at his fists and purposely flexed his fingers, shaking them out. He actively relaxed his entire body, shrugging his shoulders and plastering on an easy grin. "We all have our quirks." If he wanted to shrug off a debilitating PTSD response as a quirk, well, that actually made me feel better, as if it was perfectly reasonable. "These are my parents, Ben and Emma." I gave them a small wave and I couldn't help but raise my eyebrows at the normal names his parents had, considering his name was Astor - you don't meet that many Astors.

"It's a pleasure to meet you. Please come in. I'm Arianne." I stepped back further into the living room of our small student flat. "Uhm, so these are your two cupboards." I said, pointing to the kitchen, which I had just spent the past hour cleaning. "You get a shelf in the fridge and a drawer in the freezer and there's a shelf in the bathroom for you too. Your room is that one, next to the bathroom." I point to the only open door at the back. "Sorry it's the smallest room, but I mean, you were the last to arrive."

Me, Dion and Lena had moved in a week ago. As captain of the football team, Dion had to be here to oversee the training and tryouts of the new recruits and Lena wanted to be here so she could fuck those new recruits, and I just tagged along, with nothing better to do.

"Thanks, that's great." He said, surveying the place. "Where are the other roommates?"

"Dion's at practice, he's captain of the football team. And Lena...she'll probably be home soon." He didn't need to know how much of a hoe Lena was. He'd find that out in due time, probably when she tried to fuck him. "I'll be in my room if you need me." I said, making my way to the room next his.

I had pre-reading to finish, having spent all morning cleaning in preparation for him.

Astor.

What a name. Strong and unique. Almost godlike, much like his body. Which was the primary reason I fled to my room.

Four years since it happened and I hadn't given a guy a second look. But him - Astor. Something in my body craved him. Called to him. Was desperate to have him hands all over my body.

But I didn't touch men because men couldn't be trusted.

You let them hold your hand and they took that as an invitation to shove it down their pants. You let them into your body and they break you. You let them into your mind and they manipulate you. You let them into your heart and they rip it out of your body, shredding it to pieces, so that you can never give to anyone else.

Yes, I had issues.

But my hot Canadian roommate was not going to fix them.

Because men are trash. And he was definitely, a man.

A little voice in my head begged me to believe he was different.

Astor

"She's alive."