It's Never Easy

Chapter 9 - Arianne

Arianne

"You would?" I stammered like an idiot. I know my face must be bright red. I still can't get my head around the fact that this man, this incredible specimen of a human being was interested in me. And he wanted to kiss me. Was very eager to do so judging by his parted lips and gaze fixed on my lips.

"I would." He says, leaning in a fraction. "Take the lead." His words whisper over my skin, giving me goosebumps. Without the alcohol to embolden me, I sat there frozen, staring at his lips, begging him to just get on with it and kiss me.

"Why do I have to make the first move?" I whispered, staring at my hand which he still held gently in his. He tilted my chin up to look at him and smiled at me softly.

"Because I don't want you to only be able to kiss me when you're drunk."

"I wasn't drunk." He rolled his eyes.

"Fine, you weren't drunk. But I also understand that you have a past, that clearly haunts you. And I wouldn't want to do anything that takes your mind back there." I wasn't really sure how to reply to that. My eyes filled with tears at his empathy and I clutched his hand tighter. But was my bar for men so low that a high standard was not wanting to give me a panic attack? That was pathetic and disturbing in equal measures. "I wish you would voice your thoughts." He said, after I'd clearly been silent for a moment too long. A good thing too, because those thoughts were spiralling nowhere good.

"They're not that interesting." I say absentmindedly, playing with his fingers. My therapist is going to lose her mind when I tell her about all the progress I've made this past week. From refusing to touch men to casually holding hands with one, all thanks to a hot Canadian guy.

"I disagree. I would love to set up camp in your mind. And I would love for you to be able to see inside my mind. So you can see my true feelings for you." I peek up at him through my lashes, my cheeks pink. Everything about this, him, was too good to be true.

"And how do you feel about me?"

"I know we haven't known each other very long but I love everything about you. I love your brain-"

"You mean my broken brain."

"Don't interrupt me, I have a whole list all the things I find fascinating about you."

"A whole list?"

"Oh yeah, beauty, brains, great kisser etcetera."

"Etcetera? No, you said you have a whole list, expand." I tease.

"I am so unbelievably attracted to you. Like these eyes," He reached out slowly, giving me time to pull away, and stroked his thumb along my cheekbones, "They captivate me. And this hair," He twirled a lock around his finger and tugged it towards his nose, inhaling deeply. His words didn't really quell any of the insecurities that had started bubbling up. He was listing physical attributes, was that as far as his attraction went? God I really had made the connection between us. I was a fool that romanticised the first guy to show interest in me.

"You know what, you should date Lena, we look the same and you'll get a lot further than kissing with her." Those old insecurities had me starting to pull away and trying to build walls between us. He let me take my hand out of his, and slowly released the lock of curl in his other.

"Arianne..." He said softly, his eyes looked brighter than ever with the intensity of which he was looking at me. "I don't want Lena, I want you." My heart stuttered but my brain refused to believe him so I rolled my eyes.

"Everybody wants Lena."

He sighed, exasperated, and tilted his head to look at the ceiling. "How do I make you believe me?" I didn't think he was really asking me so I stayed quiet, carefully watching him, taking him in, because clearly whatever this brief thing was, it was ending. And that was a real shame because I was really hoping to kiss him again. He turned to look at me then, a mischievous grin on his face.

"I'm going to kiss you now." It was as if he could read my mind. "And hopefully it will rejig your memory of what an incredible connection we have." He leaned in, giving me time to run away as usual, but I didn't. I had thought of little else but his lips since last night. He finally closes the distance and softly presses his lips to mine. And stone-cold sober, holy fuck, kissing him was even better.I could taste him. He tasted all warm and musky and like he'd brushed his teeth recently. His hands held my jaw oh so gently. But I didn't want gentle any more. That taste of him had ignited something within me and now I was ravenous for him. I fisted his t-shirt, jerking him towards me but it still wasn't close enough. I smoothed my hands over his shoulder an awkwardly shuffled closer to him. Until I was straddling his lap, feverently pressing myself as close to him as possible, my mouth on his becoming more urgent, desperate for more, for this to never end. Now my hands were on either side of his neck, his were on my hips and when he gently rocked my forward I couldn't help but pull back and gasp at the friction. That felt way too good.

"Okay, so listen," He said against my lips, our foreheads pressed together. I was breathless and dazed but I tried to focus on what he was saying "And please actually hear me." He kissed the corner of my mouth, which didn't exactly help my focus. "I find myself inextricably connected to you. I can't explain the link we have but there's something between up that feels rare and extraordinary. Don't you feel it too?"

"Oh I feel it." I said, smiling at him as I tried to categorise all the feelings running through my body right now.

"Okay, good." He grinned back at me. "Because that connection can exist and I can find you physically attractive. Like this body?" His hands started to roam up and down my sides. "Fuck. I want to touch and lick every inch of it."

"Lick?"

"Yes. Maybe bite. I want to taste you, have the taste of your lips permanently imprinted in my mind. Does that scare you?"

"It should."

"But it doesn't." He stated it as fact. Because he knew me.

"No. There is not one ounce of anxiety in my body right now. It's all just-"

"Desire? Need?" He offered with an easy smirk that had my entire body flushing.

"When I'm with you and when you're kissing me, all I'm thinking about is how good it feels. But then when I'm alone I have this logical part of my brain which keeps reminding me that we haven't actually known each other that long."

"I get it. But you gotta have a little faith in me. Trust I'm a good person."

"Yeah, I have trust issues."

"Should I start writing down all your issues so I don't forget one?" I laughed as I punched him in the arm. He looked so proud of himself for making me laugh. "Besides," He smirked, leaning forward until I was laying on my back and he was hovering above me. "It sounds like I just need to be with you twenty four seven. So you don't have time alone with your thoughts to spiral."

And then he kissed me again.