𝐂𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬 ❣ JayWon (Not Really)

7. come here..let me teach you

Sunoo did not cry often, he wasn't afraid to be vulnerable (he was not Jungwon) but he hated the feelings that accompanied it.

He hated feeling tired, and weak, emotionally and physically, after training himself to appear as a joyful person, who didn't easily get swayed.

He hated feeling hopeless, never truly finding something to suppress the hollow feeling in his chest. It's akin to not breathing, he'd had plenty experience with that.

He hated feeling scared, the hollow feeling increasing tenfold and it's almost like he could see the blackness sucking him inside, that too he was familiar with.

He hated feeling alone, there was not a single soul present to witness him crumble, maybe it was for the best, vulnerability wasn't as scary as hurting yourself to the point where you wanted to remove yourself from existence, but it always left a bitter feeling in his body.

Sunoo didn't cry often but when he did....he did. The tears leaked out and his vision blurred. No matter how many times he wiped the tears off with the fabric of his sweater, the tears continue to spill and a huge pout stuck onto his face.

He hated this, crying over something he caused...

If only I'd listened to him, if only I'd stayed.

...crying over someone he loved. Another voice, a shout of sort, appeared in his mind,

But is he really worth it? he's never truly validated your feelings.

But he loves  me, he told me with his own mouth, he wouldn't do anything to hurt me knowingly.

Then you must not know him as well as you thought, this is what you wanted, to feel seen and heard for once without being his shadow, don't cave now.

But he needs us.

He may need us but he's always survived well on his own, it's time he realises his mistakes. If you go back now, you'll only hurt yourself even more. He doesn't even know.

"He doesn't even know", Sunoo's voice came out wobbly, enough of his own conflicted thoughts, "Fuck, I'm so pathetic", he sobbed harder as he reached into the drawer of his nightstand to retrieve the orange bottle of pills he'd carefully placed in there earlier. Firmly, he lodged open the lid and with shaky hands he tilted the bottle and took each pill, consuming them one by one. He threw the empty bottle onto the floor and reached for his phone. With the little vision the tears allowed him to have he dialed the first number he thought of.

"Hello?", a moment of relief washed over him as familiar deep voice answered after the first ring, "Sunoo-hyung? Are you okay? It's late"

"Riki", it was just above a whisper, "I did a thing, a very bad thing and I'm so scared, please come get me...I don't wanna...I don't wanna.."

° ° °

"I took a pill in Ibiza~", Sunoo sang, his speech slurred and his mind hazy, "to show Avicii I was cool", he smiled, rocking his body back and forth. He barely registered the sound of a door slamming open and the sound of footsteps approaching him.

"Sunoo!", someone shouted, he looked up abruptly but that only made his head spin worse and his eyes hurt.

"Riki, carry him", he heard someone say.

"Oh no, Sunoo", he heard another voice.

"What is that?"

"Shit, not again"

"Again?"

"He's done this before, we need to get him out of here before something really bad happens"

"Riki I said take him! I know you're scared but we need to get him help now!"