Amour [h.s]

☼ twenty ☼

"Looking at it now, last December, we were built to fall apart"

☼ ☼ ☼

Trigger warning: traumatic birth, blood, panic attacks

Take it easy if this is too much. Hugs always <3

Amelie

Another dull pain fills my stomach, spreading across my back and up my spine. I knew I had been in labour for at least four hours. Leo kept telling me it was just a tummy ache, but a tummy ache doesn't feel like this.

"Take some paracetamol and calm the fuck down, he isn't due for another four weeks" Leo says, tossing a packet of paracetamol into my lap.

"No-no Leo, he's coming, please phone someone" I beg. The sweat rolling down my forehead as I struggle to catch my breath throughout the pain.

"Amelie" he says sternly, grabbing my chin with his rough hand. "It's New Years, we're going out with my friends, get the fuck up and stop ruining it."

I'm already sobbing, so his words don't have a huge affect on my emotions. I'm solely focused on the catastrophic pain I'm in, and the unhealthy amount of blood that seems to be exiting me.

"Please- please Leo" I heave through the pain. "Please phone an ambulance." I'm practically begging help now, desperate for some kind of medical intervention.

"No" he replies simply. "Now get the fuck off the bed, you're bleeding all over it."

I obey, despite the pain it causes me to stand up, my legs smeared with blood as they weakly hold me up. My body begging for help. But to no surprise, I'm left to fend for myself.

I clutch onto my belly, as the pain sears through my muscles again, the motion of holding my belly, very quickly making me realise that I hadn't felt my baby move in a while. And that alone raised my heart rate.

Once I've settled myself in the bathroom, uncomfortably sitting myself down on the toilet, I place both hands onto my swollen stomach, desperate to feel his kicks.

"Come on baby boy, let me know you're still with me" I urge. My hands ever so gently stroking over my bump, in attempts to get him to move.

"No- baby please" I cry, when five minutes pass and I'm yet to feel any movement. He's always been such an active baby, so his lack of motion pulls my heart apart.

"Oh god" I groan, the pain become too much to bear now, and the pressure building, only makes me want to push.

"God, you're being so loud" Leo complains, slamming the bathroom door shut with only me inside.