Winter Affliction

Part 19

It wasn't showing on his face, was it?

Cale was sure that it wasn't. He was able to perfectly control his expression under just about any situation by now, years of practice and a natural talent for manipulative lying had granted him with a perfect poker face and so Alver shouldn't notice anything.

It was imperative that Alver didn't notice anything.

The pressure of this necessity led to undue anxiety and a racing heartbeat–that had already been pounding quite furiously in his chest–that did nothing to ease his lies.

Contrary to some of his more foolhardy decisions made in haste, Cale wasn't actually a fool and he didn't actually have a poor understanding of himself. It took quite a stranglehold on self awareness to manage one's appearances and the perception of others as well as Cale did.

It was just that there were certain areas where he was prone to the addiction of denial. And for a prolific liar such as himself, he could make himself believe his own denial if he tried hard enough.

He knew the moment he laid his eyes on Alver.

Denial died in the face of the haggard man, walking confidently through the halls and speaking with authority, all the while hiding heavy bags beneath his eyes and an exhausted sigh behind a smile that fooled all the rest of the world.

It didn't fool Cale.

What an idiot. What an absolute idiot Alver Crossman was. Working himself half to death on thankless tasks in order to gain the recognition he'd been denied for so long. Smiling at the world because that's what you're supposed to do and he'd always been trapped inside of that box, hadn't he? Freedom had never been an option for Alver. Not one that he could sincerely consider without risking losing what little he had left.

What a stupid unbelievably stubborn idiot.

He should go to sleep. Take a nap. Stop this stupidity and just rest. He should focus all of his formidable energy on escaping this cloying place that forced him to smile that way and never saw through the lie. He should stop but he won't because that's not what he 'should' do. The subtle difference was as clear as day in Cale's chaotic mind.

His heart clenched at the sight.

'Oh shit.'

He knew instantly, the moment he laid eyes on this ridiculous idiot. As the insults welled up inside of him, so did the unmistakable affection.

He wanted to lecture him. To hug him. To be hugged by him. To feel his warmth. To tell him off and catch up on all the little things they hadn't talked about in their time apart. He wanted to force him to throw off his mask of perfection and show his dimples. He wanted to assert just who Alver belonged to in front of the attendants. He wanted to announce his feelings loudly and proudly.

He wanted Alver.

Wholly and completely.

There was no blaming it on being an 'omega' and Alver being an 'alpha'. There was no denial that could hold up to the certainty.

He knew and he couldn't unknow it now.

He had feelings for Alver Crossman.

And if even one of those feelings showed up on his face he would just die.

Alver took a seat across from him, entirely unaware of how the laughing smile he wore did all sorts of things to Cale's poor feeble heart. He looked better now, the stiffness in his shoulders had faded and there was amusement swimming in his perfectly blue eyes.