Fake Relationship

07

Habang binabasa niyo yung chapter na 'to, pakinggan niyo yung nasa multimedia.

Tanya Zielle Hernandez

"Pumayag na si Alara na ligawan ko."

Tama ba ang narinig ko? Nililigawan na niya si Alara??

Sumisikip ang dibdib ko, parang nawawasak ang puso ko. My heart beats erratically as the words that are currently being said sink in and I begin to feel sick because of his sudden revelation.

I want to say something. I need to say something but no sound comes out. Instead, tumalikod ako at tumakbo papasok sa loob ng bahay. Buti nalang hindi ako napansin ng mga kapatid ko.

Mabilis akong pumasok sa kwarto at padabog na sinara. Pagkasara ko ng pinto ay napasandal ako dahil sa panghihina.

The tears are streaming down to my face. I'm crying so hard it feels like there's a waterfall flowing through my body. All I can see, all I can hear is the sound of my breathing and the loud beating of my heart in my ears. My hand flies up to cover my mouth and I choke back a sob.

It hurts. It hurts more than it should. It hurts more than it ever should. More than anything else in the world. But still, this pain remains. This pain persists. This pain never leaves even after the pain disappears.

The feeling doesn't go away, instead, it grows. I feel empty and broken. All I've done since finding out, I keep thinking. He wants to court her. How do you make someone feel happy about something they don't even know. How do you tell them your feelings when they aren't even aware of your existence. Fuck! This feeling.

Palagi nalang ba akong masasaktan? Hanggang kaibigan nalang ba talaga ako?

Tears streamed out of my eyes again as the realization slowly dawned in me.

I am not good enough?

Not good enough for him?

Not good enough to be with him?

Not good enough to have what everyone else has?

Paulit-ulit kong tinatanong ang sarili ko. I can't stop crying.

This time I'm trying to muffle my cries though. I try to stop myself from sobbing because I don't want to get attention. I don't want to draw any further attention towards myself. I want to forget the pain. I want to ignore the way everything hurts. I want to forget the sadness in my hearts. I want to pretend that this never happened. That I wasn't there. I wanted someone to love me like he loved Alara, and I was selfish and foolish and let myself believe that one day that person would love me too.

I let myself think that the person could love me for who I am. For who I want to be. For who I deserve to be. That person isn't here now.

Instead, it was me. The girl that broke everything. The girl who experienced the downfall. The girl who experienced a lot of suffering. The girl who couldn't be happy.

My hands were shaking, and my entire being felt numb. Everything was just a blur, all I knew was that it was raining outside. All I knew was that I was alone, and it was raining.

I just couldn't believe what happened, why did it happen again? Why did I have to suffer this pain once more?

Why did it hurt so much?

Why didn't anyone love me like this boy does?

Why can't he love me like he loves Alara?

The only sound that came from me was muffled sobs. I couldn't seem to catch my breath, even if I tried to calm myself down. All I felt was pure terror and sorrow. What kind of person breaks their best friend's heart?

After another minute or two I finally calmed down. I wiped at my face until I could breath properly. Tumayo ako at lumabas ng kwarto saka bumaba.

"Ate, saan ka pupunta?" Tanong ni Tom.

"Magpapaulan." Tipid kong sagot. Hindi ko sila matignan dahil namamaga ang mga mata ko kakaiyak.

Mabilis akong lumabas ng pinto at wala sa sarili habang naglalakad sa labas. Wala akong pake kung pagtinginan ako ng ibang taong nakakakita sa'kin.

Sobrang saya ng araw na 'to, tangina hinding hindi ko 'to makakalimutan.

Muli akong napaiyak ng maalala ang masasayang araw na magkasama kami ni Zero. Yung unang araw na nakita ko siyang nakangiti habang kausap ang kaibigan, yung ngiting kahit araw-araw hindi ka magsasawa, hanggang sa maging magkaibigan na kami, palagi na kaming magkasama, pagtatanggol niya sa'kin sa mga bully sa school. Lahat ng 'yon nawala dahil lang sa isang babae.

Umiyak ako nang umiyak sa daan, wala naman makakapansin dahil umuulan.

"Why can't life be easy?! Why do I have to suffer? Can I even live without him?" I said softly as I wiped my tears away. "No matter what happened, nothing can change our friendship. No matter what happens...he is still Zero....my best friend" I mumbled with a smile on my face.

The tears continued flowing down my cheeks. Hindi ata matatapos ang araw na 'to na hindi ako tumtigil sa kakaiyak.

Bakit ba nangyayari sa'kin lahat ito? Nagmahal lang naman ako e, minahal ko lang naman siya, pero bakit ganito naman yung ginanti niya sa'kin?

Nawawasak ang puso ko ng muling pumasok sa isip ko ang huling sinabi ni Zero kanina at ang mga litratong sinend niya sa'kin

"Pumapayag na si Alara na ligawan ko."

Tangina! Ako dapat liligawan 'yan e! Ako dapat yung kayakap niya sa coffee shop! Bakit ba hindi nalang ako? Palagi naman akong nandito sakanya? Hanggang kaibigan nalang ba talaga ako?

Para akong batang napaupo sa daan habang umiiyak. I feel helpless. The tears fall silently but it doesn't stop from hurting.

The rain started coming down harder as I looked up into the sky. Tumayo ako at wala sa sariling dumaan sa gitna ng daan.

Suddenly, a car came across me and suddenly slammed on the brakes.

"Miss, tabi!!" Sigaw ng lalaki habang papalapit ang sasakyan niya sa'kin.

Pabagsak akong napahiga sa daan. Everything around me became blurry and dark, but I didn't feel any pain.

©LucorLucicious

This chapter is based sa experienced ng kaibigan ko, since marami sa babae/lalaki ang mas mahal ang "boyfriend/girlfriend" kesa sa sarili, kaya girls/boys love yourself more. Sabi nga nila di ba? "The more you love yourself, the less nonsense you'll tolerate."

loveyou!!