Sky and Tuck

Chapter 4

New York

King Of The Assholes, The Day After The Wedding

Tucker

I've got this nagging feeling that I'm forgetting something. I lost my phone again, so I have no fucking clue what I'm missing. We were rage partying at a couple of clubs last night. The blow and the X were out of this world. We ended up at a party in some hotel, naked girls and guys everywhere. It was so fucking decadent and trashy even I felt a little dirty. But not dirty enough to not partake. Hey when a girl greets you at the door naked then rubs her body all over yours then kisses you and rolls a couple of tablets onto your tongue with her tongue, you kinda have to roll with it. Literally. And fuck me, did I roll.

The truth is I'm feeling really kind of tired and down about all the fucked up shit I've been getting into. I don't feel like I'm a part of the band really at all anymore, I show up, I play, and honestly, I usually play like shit. But I don't connect with the guys, we don't talk, we don't collaborate, I have no clue what they are all doing. I'm like a total stranger to the guys in my band.

I haven't even been writing music. Fuck, I used to play and write every day for hours. The first couple of albums I contributed at least half of the material. Jake and I would spend weeks perfecting songs and ideas, now I don't have a single song on the new album

I call Kells girlfriend Yoko, and blame her for trying to keep me out, but I know in my heart that it's all on me. I don't know why the fuck I'm doing the shit I'm doing. I don't even really have fun with it anymore. Fuck, most of the time I don't even know what I did until I see a picture or a video of it the next day.

And fuck, the goddamn pictures and videos. My parents are so fucking ashamed of me. I don't even go home anymore because I feel so fucking embarrassed, I can't even look my mom in the eye. The last holiday I spent with my family was the Christmas before my first tour. I used to promise them I'd be there, but after a while I stopped even saying that I'd try to stop by, no one believed me anyway. Hell, I didn't believe me, why should anyone else?

I last went home for a few days the November after I left. By that point I already had a couple of sex tapes out there, all made without my knowledge or permission, because I was fucking ripped off my ass when someone started recording.

I was surprising my parents at their house, and they had no idea that I was showing up. Before I went to the house, I walked into the market to pick up some flowers to give my mom, and the first person I saw was Sky. I hadn't seen her since my fuck up at the after party. Kell beat my ass up the day after I had a fucking orgy in front of her, all drugged up, I apparently even asked her to join in. When Kell told me all that I'd done I went up to her room to apologize. Sky had left, but Tyler was there to throw a couple more punches at me. I didn't even try to defend myself, so fucking ashamed that I'd hurt my sweet girl.

My sweet girl.

Fuck if that will ever happen now. I honestly always thought we'd end up together. I thought I'd have some fun with groupies, slut it up on tour for a few years, then come home, calm down, and claim my girl.

She never knew it, but she always was my girl, my best friend, the smartest most beautiful girl I've ever seen. But I screwed that up but good. Like the Stricklands or Tyler would ever let me within 1,000 feet of her.

When I saw her in the market it was so fucking awkward. She couldn't look me in the eye, I pulled her in for a hug and she was stiff and strange feeling. Then some dick from school comes up and puts his arm around her, and goes all "Babe, lets hurry up, everybody's waiting for us."