Love B.C

05

Dear Darling,

Do you ever miss being genuinely happy?

I know that there are some moments in my life that had made me sad but I never imagined it would come to this level of sadness its gotten to a point where I'm just always kinda down but I can still laugh and scream I just wanna know what it feels like to have happiness be your overall feeling. Some people in my life have this and yet they don't appreciate it there are some moments where I just want to be numb where I don't want to feel anything because the pain was too much to handle I just want help with growth.

Sometimes I suppose I'm happy. When I'm with my friends, throwing my head back and covering my mouth as I shake with laughter at a dumb joke someone just made. But then the day turns to night. and my carefree grin turns into unexplainable sadness. I lay in bed, thinking about all the things I wish I could say, all the things I am too afraid to admit even with only pen, paper and mind. Its nights like this that I realise I am many things. I'm happy and sad, outgoing and shy, rambunctious and quiet.

But most of all I am empty.

Love B.C