To Love, To Lose, To Leave

Chapter Nine

Hospital

When young Midoriya stops talking, he finally looks up at Toshinori.

Young Midoriya...

Toshinori will be the first to admit that he was not the best mentor. Nowhere near it, as a matter of fact. He made many, many mistakes, some of which could have had serious, irreversible consequences.

His gut twists further upon the reminder—Bakugo had taken him aside for a private conversation after the class had finally managed to bring Midoriya back to UA.

"I told Izuku to throw himself off a roof that day," Bakugo had told him. "I told him to fucking jump, and you told him his dreams were hopeless and left him on a goddamn roof. You were his fucking idol, and you told him to give up."

"That was a dangerous oversight on my part, young Bakugo, and I'm sorry—"

"Oversight my ass, he could have fucking died! You would've had blood on your hands, All Might, and you know what the worst thing is? I would've fucking blamed myself. And everyone else would've agreed."

Young Bakugo let out a lot of bottled-up emotions that day, practically screaming at Toshinori with tears streaming down his face.

Toshinori didn't dare to retort or try excusing himself. All he could do was silently cry as he kept murmuring out apologies, knowing that they didn't do a thing to make Bakugo's hurt heal.

"You told him he couldn't be a hero, then turned around and offered him all his hopes and dreams on a silver platter, and he fucking took it. He admired you more than anyone and would listen to anything you said going in fucking blind. You didn't bother telling him about All For One, or that fucking emotions could make the whole damn Quirk go fucking batshit. It could've killed him. You didn't tell him shit, and even though you've learned and have proven your growth as a mentor, you never fucking apologized. You said sorry for one thing, like the rest never fucking happened, but it did. It happened, and it's fucking real, and just acting doesn't mean you've fucking atoned. You told me that yourself."

Those words rang through Toshinori's mind, clearer than ever.

It could've killed him.

The guilt twisting around his heart and ribs, filling his lungs, is stronger than it's ever been before.

Toshinori might have given Midoriya a Quirk so he could become a hero, but in doing so, he took his future—countless moments and memories; times of joy and sadness; people he'd meet and befriend; love and care and cherish the people's he's already met, share their joys and sorrows—and crushed all hopes of it.

I gave him my Quirk, but took away the rest of his life.

"All Might?"

Toshinori's snapped out of his thoughts, eyes coming back up to Midoriya.

"Please say something?" Midoriya asks, voice small.

Toshinori has never hated the choices he's made more than right now.

"I'm so sorry, young Midoriya. I haven't been a good mentor, and now you're suffering the consequences of that when you've done nothing to deserve it."

Midoriya blinks twice before a small smile makes its way to his face. "You didn't know, All Might. It's okay."

"It's not. I—you won't get to enjoy your life, because of me. Because I gave you this Quirk that's killing you, and—"

"All Might."

Toshinori snaps his mouth shut, ignoring the temptation to vomit.

"I'm going to be okay. Even if I die soon, I still was able to live my dream. I got to be a hero, and got to save people. I..." Midoriya's eyes seem to go misty for a moment, before clearing once more. "I got to stand by Kacchan, and be with him in ways I could've never imagined. It may not have been long, but I'm happy, really."

He shouldn't be talking about his life like he's on his deathbed.

One thing that Toshinori has learned about Midoriya after all this time, though, is that when Midoriya makes up his mind, he'll be incredibly stubborn.

All that he can do now is apologize a thousand times more, with his actions and words.

"I know that nothing I could do right now could make up for all the suffering I've both directly and indirectly caused you, but..."

The words seem to threaten to choke Toshinori, right here in Midoriya's hospital room.

"Is there anything I could do for you, before you..."

Toshinori swallows, his throat suddenly drier than ever.

Midoriya understands though, as always. His eyes soften slightly before he nods. "Yes, actually. If anyone find out I was here and asks why, please tell them what the doctor said, and nothing more."

"You're not going to tell—"

"Please, All Might. I don't want my friends to grieve for me when I'm still right here."

If the circumstances were different, Toshinori would have insisted on at least telling Aizawa, or his mother, or even just Bakugo.

However, his guilt looms over him, threatening to strangle all the life out of his body—the smallest price for atonement.

Toshinori takes a deep breath, mustering up the biggest smile that he can.

The least I can do now is help him leave the way he'd like to.

"I will, young Midoriya."