To Love, To Lose, To Leave

Chapter Ten

When Izuku finishes talking, he takes a deep breath in, then out. "And...yeah. So." He glances up at Todoroki, who'd gone completely silent, face blank—unreadable, unmoving.

Izuku chews at his bottom lip. Maybe he thinks I'm making it up? I mean, he did hear Recovery Girl, so he could technically just go ask her if he thinks I'm lying, but—

Todoroki blinks twice, and then his eyes widen.

"You've been doing intensive Quirk training with the rest of us like usual." His expression hardens. "You haven't told Aizawa-sensei about any of this, have you?"

Izuku opens his mouth, but then pauses. He hasn't told this to Aizawa-sensei, so Todoroki isn't wrong.

He closes his mouth again, staring pointedly down at his hands. They're still softened from the shower, the wrinkles in his fingertips quickly disappearing into nothingness.

"Why haven't you said anything yet?! We've been doing intensive Quirk training all of last week and this week! Why the hell are you using One For All so much?! Do you want to die?!"

Izuku purposefully keeps his gaze away from Todoroki. The silence hangs heavily in the air, thick and dripping—dreadful.

"I..." Izuku lets out a sigh. "It's not that I want to die, it's just..." He glances up at Todoroki, a dull ache forming in his chest. "I want everyone to properly mourn and get through and...and overcome my death as soon as possible, so that you guys can all be the best heroes possible. My death will be a major setback for you all."

"Midoriya, no!" Todoroki exclaims. "This isn't the way to go about things, you—"

"Shoto." Izuku finally looks up at his friend—his eyes are hardened, filled with angered worry, and he gets it, he does, really, but...

"I know this is upsetting for you to hear, and I'm sorry that you have to find out about it like this, but..." Izuku takes a deep breath, willing the waver that threatens to shake his voice to simmer back down.

"This is how I want to go."

A silence wears its way into the air, tense and stiff, until Todoroki speaks up.

"Does anyone else know about...this?"

Izuku can't help the sigh of relief that leaves him.

Todoroki cares about respecting someone's wants, no matter what they are—even if he doesn't agree with them. I'm so glad that he's my friend.

Izuku shakes his head. "Only you and All Might know. And Recovery Girl of course."

"Why haven't you said anything?"

Izuku's chest aches, but he swallows it down, giving a small, sad smile. "I don't want the last days of my life to be filled with my friends mourning over me and pitying me. I want them to be happy for as long as possible, especially after all the trouble I've brought to them over the years."

Todoroki is silent for a moment, frowning, before his eyes seem to light up in some sort of a realization.

"Is that why you and Bakugo broke up?"

Izuku stiffens for a moment, then slowly nods, pointedly trying to shove down the rising ache in his chest. "I broke up with him, yeah."

"You seem to be pretty upset about it though."

"It's for the best, Todoroki-kun."

"But these are some of your last days," Todoroki presses, "If this is really...it, for you, wouldn't you want to spend that time with him?"

Izuku lets out a laugh—it's a heavy yet hollow thing. "Yeah, I thought so, too. But...if I were to tell Kacchan about all this, he'd blame himself and live the rest of his life in misery. I can't let that happen. I broke up with him so that he'll hate me again. That way, when I do die, he won't think he has anything to do with it. He'll get through my death quickly and go on to become the number one hero, naturally." Izuku can't help the way his lips curve up into a small, fond smile. "Kacchan is amazing, and I wouldn't want to be the one to hold him back from reaching his ultimate potential."

Todoroki looks hesitant, so Izuku takes his friend's hand into his—his left hand is pleasantly warm and his right is ice cold. "Todoroki-kun, you're one of my closest friends, and I'm so glad that you've been a part of my life. I'm asking you this not as Deku the hero, but as Midoriya, your friend." He gives Todoroki's hands a firm squeeze, eyes pleading. "Please. Don't tell anyone about this, Todoroki."

Todoroki's expression turns even more hesitant, clearly conflicted within himself. Izuku doesn't loosen his hold on Todoroki's hands, eyes silently pleading.

Please, Todoroki.

After another tense moment of silence, Todoroki lets out a sigh. "Alright. I won't tell anyone."

The weight on Izuku's chest seems to dissipate into nothingness, the smile on Izuku's face coming with more ease as he lets out his own sigh—one of grateful relief. "Thank you so much, Todoroki-kun. I'll—"

"On one condition." Todoroki's eyes are firm, face schooled into determination. "You'll limit your quirk usage as much as you can. I know you want to get this over with as quickly as you can, but I want to properly spend time with you before you..." Todoroki's eyes seem to darken, and Izuku gives his hands another squeeze. "You know. Whenever you leave us, I want to be able to have no regrets about not spending enough time with you."

I'm so lucky to have a friend like Todoroki, Izuku thinks to himself, the relief of this encounter washing over him in waves.

You're so lucky to have had a friend like him, a voice reminds him.

The aching in his chest returns, but Izuku does his best to swallow it down. "Alright, Todoroki-kun."

Todoroki releases one of his hands from Izuku's hold, extending out a pinky. "Promise?"

Izuku raises his pinky as well, his chest slowly filling with nostalgic melancholy.

Just like how Kacchan and I did when we were kids.

Izuku interlocks his pinky with Todoroki's.

"I promise."