little games [camila/you]

XVII - j e a l o u s y

"It's always so easy to find you," Camila said, obviously not having the best skills at initiating a conversation. Especially the ones that start after a long ass time.

Although it was a habit to avoid her attention or stare, in any way, I didn't want to say the words without seeing her eyes. So I turned my head. This was the first time we actually "faced" each other after five months.

"Almost as easy it is to lose me," I said cold-bloodedly.

Camila's POV

There was nothing I could say in response to that, she was right. Losing her was bitter and I had tasted it. All I could do was brush it off with a little smile.

"Congratulations on the awards," my eyes shifted anywhere but to her face.

"Thank you. You too, nice performance," she said as she put her cigar out.

It was nothing but my own wrong decisions and guilt that surrounded me now. It wasn't only my conscience who judged me but my heart. There was an equal amount of embarrassment in me, for no matter how much I'd fuck up, I still wanted to console myself in no one's arms but hers.

I didn't want to look at her because she was the one I wrote all those songs about. Finding her eyes once again would be another reason to lose myself, yet I was already lost. I didn't want to tear up there, but I still couldn't help myself.

I watched her drink the bottle of wine she was holding.

"How is Lauren?" was all I could say next. Although we were close friends, we became more distant after she found out about me cheating on Y/N, and I wasn't blaming her for that. I knew I was the only one to blame.

"She's okay," she answered with the same tone. "Where's your boyfriend?"

"He's not my boyfriend, Y/N," feeling disgusted with the thought, I wore a slight frown. She shrugged muttering a 'whatever.'

I opened my mouth, wanting to say something else but I feared her reaction. Her short brown hair was falling to her eyes as she was looking down at the city. Not knowing what to do, I gulped the words down with a sigh.

"Are you afraid, Cabello?" she didn't move.

I was. It was like she could see me without looking at me and she could read my mind without even hearing my thoughts. I was reconsidering my decision to walk up to talk to her like this because she seemed so different. It felt like returning to a house you burned down and seeing the ashes left. This only made me feel worse.

She turned around and took a few steps closer to me while I watched her carefully.

"I'm listening."

There were a few inches in between us and now she was looking at my eyes as if she was challenging me. There was no point in challenging me, I didn't have the face to tell her I still loved her. It wouldn't matter.

"I'm sorry," I said, slowly pulling the edge of my jacket to hold my tears back. She waited for me to continue. "I know whatever I say now won't matter. I know even if I explain myself it won't be an excuse for what I have done. I just want you to know that I'm sorry, and," I shook my head.

"And?"

"I know you wouldn't believe me, but the mistake I did wasn't because I didn't love you. I really did.." and I still do.

"Why would I not believe that?"

Not expecting her to say that, I connected my eyebrows in confusion. She finished the bottle of wine and threw it in the trash. I watched her sit on the little wall and look at me as she spoke.