Sin For Me

Chapter 5

Warning: Mentions of masturbation & explicit thoughts.
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I hate how my brain and heart can never seem to get along. Although I'm sure that, that's how a lot of people feel.

It's just that they always end up in some kind of argument.
My brain would tell me to do one thing, the logical thing.
My heart on the other hand would tell me to do "what feels right" and "what makes me happy".
Lame, right?

So when my brain told me not to go to Vivian and my heart told me otherwise, you could imagine the argument that they got to which resulted in my heart rate increasing and my head hurting.

But you know, my internal organs aren't always completely uncivilised. Sometimes they talk things through, and reach a compromise.
Like right now, my brain rationalised that we were just curious. There was no harm in just going to find out what she wanted.
My heart on the other hand argued that we simply wanted to see her.

Despite the two vastly different reasons, the conclusion remained the same; I was going to see Vivian.

And so, I arrived at Vivian's room when I clocked out of work. The only problem was that she wasn't there.
Annoying.

I tried my best to be punctual with everything that I did, so when other people didn't do the same it really got on my nerves.

I entered her room without her permission but simultaneously, the door was unlocked.
I guess she left it open knowing that I would be arriving, after I sent her a text informing her that I would be there once my shift was over.

Was she that confident that nobody else would come into her room?
People don't steal around here?

I finally got to have a good look of her room too.
It was spacious and mostly white and marble.
It was also on the very top floor with a balcony that overlooked not only the entire estate, but the rest of the city.
I would absolutely kill to live a life like she did, especially since I knew how pricey hotels could be.

But do you want to know the craziest thing?
It wasn't only the beautiful room that was somehow bigger than my childhood home, or the view that cinematographers would die to capture that had me swooning.
It was the fact that the room smelled like her.
The entire room was lightly dusted with her expensive purfume.

I leaned against a vanity table, much too afraid and not too forward to take a seat on the bed nor the couch.
I spotted the shirt that she was hearing when she had seen me a few days prior, hanging from the closest door.

I wasn't raised to snoop in people's things, but surprisingly enough that wasn't even what had crossed my mind.
What had crossed my mind was so much worse.

I wanted to put her shirt on and fuck myself in it.

I don't know how that thought crossed my mind.
I was never exactly a kinky person.
The most exciting thing that Luca and I had done was shower sex and even that was kinda...meh.
Does that sound mean?

Fuck.

My eyes remained unmoving from the shirt.
I wouldn't dare to, but what was the harm in fantasizing?
I haven't had proper sex in so long, and to be fucked by Vivian would just feel so...right?

Would it feel right?

To be knuckle deep inside of myself and have her find me here, in her shirt, on her bed, moaning her name?

She wouldn't take lightly to that, I barely knew her but I could tell.
She would replace my fingers with her own inside of me, while sucking my fingers clean.