Sin For Me

Chapter 14

"Vivian, I can explain." the words fell from my mouth so pathetically that I almost wished I hadn't said anything at all.

I knew that no explanation could make up for what I had done but it would be an explanation nevertheless, right?

"Okay Avery." from the sound of her voice, I could tell that it didn't matter what I said next.
The sound of defeat that exited her throat sat heavy in the room.

The look of disbelief that was plastered on her face only a few seconds prior had completely shifted.
Now, her face was stoic and she appeared relatively composed.
The biggest thing that stuck out to me despite her entire change in demeanor was her eyes. They were completely blank.

In the past, even if she didn't explicitly express how she was feeling, it would show in her eyes.

When she mentioned that Nathan had feelings for me, I noticed the glint of jealousy flash across them.
When she asked me if I had treated her differently simply because she wasn't a man, her voice was calm and she had no facial expression and yet, the look in her fucking eyes let me know that she was upset.

But now...Fuck.
Now what?
Because she was looking at me as if I held no weight in her life whatsoever.

"I had a boyfriend." I paused. I expected her to react. She did not.
I cleared my throat and spoke again, "But it's over now. I broke up with him."

There was a beat of silence.

"When did you break up with him?"
I felt that it wasn't in my best interest to lie, "About 30 minutes ago."
"Okay." Vivian replied in a monotone.
I frowned, "Is there anything that you want to say to me?"
"Not really."

In that moment, I wished that I was anywhere else but there. My mind flashed back to a happier time, with just the two of us and she had said the same phrase...

"You don't want to watch a Disney movie with me?" I had asked her, pouting.
"Not really." she had replied. We were sat on the couch in her home, watching TV.
"Not even Princess And The Frog?" I whined.

It was raining that day, really heavily.
We ordered food and now we were sat trying to figure out what to do while waiting for the food to arrive.

Actually, No. She was sat up on the opposite end of the couch. I was laying down with a blanket over me and my feet were on her lap while she rubbed my legs.

"You can put it on if you want to." she said.
"I'm only going to put it on if you watch it with me."
"Can't I just stare at you instead?" she moved the blanket off of me and grabbed a hold of my thighs, pulling me closer to her.

I yelped but it quickly turned into a giggle as she massaged the soft part of my tummy.
I was wearing a crop top and a pyjama shorts at the time, even though it was raining. She had the heat turned on so it didn't feel all that cold.

"It would be kinda creepy if you just stared at me the entire time, don't you think?" I teased her as she put my legs over her shoulders.
"No." she moved my shorts to the side to reveal that I wasn't wearing underwear, and used her thumb to gently press against my clit. At that point, I felt like she already knew my body better than I knew it myself.
I whined softly, bucking my hips slightly forward, "No?" I stuttered.
"No." she reiterated,

"I don't think it would be creepy. To me, you are everything in the name of perfection. So of course I'd want to stare at you."

I remember looking down at her as she ate me out, not breaking eye contact as her hands roamed my body. From massaging my stomach to grabbing my boobs and ultimately, holding my hand while eating me out with such intensity that I feared I would pass out from the pleasure alone.

And now, here we were. Looking at each other with nothing more to say.

"I'm so sorry." I spoke in a voice barely above a whisper. I didn't think that going into extreme detail about how Luca and I would help the situation.

The fact of the matter was, was that I had a boyfriend while seeing her and that was unforgivable.

"I'm sure you are." Vivian said dryly.
"I am." I insisted.
"If you really felt as bad as you claim to feel right now, you wouldn't have done it in the first place." Vivian commented.
"It's more complicated than that." I said, feeling shame and guilt bubble up in my chest.

I did not know what to do, nor what to say. I was still shaken up from what has happened with Nathan. I had no way of explaining myself to Vivian.

I just felt So. Fucking. Hopeless.

"I think what's complicated to you is very simple to me. I was willing to give you everything that you ever wanted and I was just a side piece to you." Vivian stated, very matter-of-factly.
"Vivian, No. You were never just a side piece to me, Don't fucking say that."
"Kinda difficult to see it as anything but that, don't you think?" Vivian sighed, closing her eyes while rubbing her neck as if trying to get the tension out of her body.

"Vivian..." I started, although I wasn't even quite sure as to what I was planning on saying.
"Please get your stuff out of my house and leave your set of keys with the housekeeper." Vivian said, "I would also really appreciate it if you left. Now."

I forgot that I had a set of keys to her home. The day that she had given them to me, I remember jumping into her arms and kissing all over her face.

"Really? You trust me enough for this?" I had asked while she rubbed the small of my back, looking at me with nothing short of awe and adoration.
"Of course. I want you in my life Avery, so you deserve access to every piece of mine."

My heart filled with happiness and butterflies in that moment. I stopped kissing her face and kissed her soft, delicate lips with my arms around her neck and legs around her waist.

And now, what?
I was leaving her office while her fucking assistant, Tammy, watched me with a smug look on her face because our relationship was terminated?

I called a cab and sat in silence. I wasn't going to cry.

I made my way into her home and gave my key to the housekeeper, offering a weak smile as I said I wasn't going to be around anymore.

"That's a shame Ms.Bennett. We really liked having you around." He said, referring to his self and the other staff members such as the gardener and the chef.

I wasn't going to cry.

I repeated this as a mantra to myself as I went to her room and got the few random things that I left behind. Some clothing items, toiletries. So on and so forth.

Her scent filled my nose as I opened her cupboard to retrieve one of my hoodies. I said I wasn't going to fucking cry.

But as I sat down on her bed to see a picture of us together in a photo frame, something that I had never seen before.

The day that we had taken that photo...

We were at the beach directly across from the hotel that she had booked for us. The only difference was, was that this time I was the one admiring her.

She looked so fucking beautiful.

"Vivian." I said.
She looked at me, smiling, "Yes princess?"
I hooked my arm around hers, resting mf head on her shoulder, "I don't ever want there to be a time where we aren't in each others lives. You make me really, really happy."
I couldn't see her looking down at me and smiling. I took out my phone to take a picture only to see her already looking at the camera, smiling just as broadly as me.

"Hey you're blushing!" I laughed.
"Shush."

I took a photo and commemorated the moment. She printed it out and put it on her bedside table and on the photo frame was written, "I don't ever want there to be a time where we aren't in each others lives."

All my efforts went to waste.
I broke down into tears.
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Date Published: 23 April 2023

Long time no see, I missed you guys 💞

With everlasting love,
angels clique
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