Chapter 27

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January 2020

I got a job. I was a substitute teacher for a middle school back home. It didn't pay that great but as long as I was doing something right?

My mom was not down for letting me mooch off of her while I was back at her house and while she wasn't making me pay any bills, she was not going to be my own personal bank.

The students were pretty fun but they did make me miss my kids back in South Korea. Would I really never go back to being an English teacher?

No. I'll go back. No matter what happens with Jay. I'm going back... but maybe I'll move to Ilsan or Daegu... far away from him.

I attempted to hang out with my new coworkers but I haven't really found a bonding point with them and while they're nice, they're no Soo.

Speaking of which, she calls me 3 times a week. My Sweet Girl grows a little everyday and it breaks my heart that I can't be there with her.

After everything happened, it was so hard for me to be near her. My baby was gone but here was my Sweet Girl, perfectly fine and perfectly healthy... she made me sick. She made me hate myself for hating her. I wanted everyone to feel the same pain I was feeling. But one day when Soo had somewhere to be and no one to watch her, she brought her to me.

Watching my Sweet Girl was hard at first. I left that child in her car seat facing the wall as I cried.  But after a few minutes I walked over to her and turned the seat towards me. And she did what she normally had. She reached out for me with the brightest little gummy smile. I unclipped her and picked her, hugging her tightly.

She was therapeutic to my broken heart. She made me feel whole. So I babysat her quite often. So being away from her was taking a toll too. I missed them. But I had to push through.

February 2020

They say there's this virus out called the Corona Virus out in China right now that's "apparently" spreading fast. I don't think it's anything to worry about over here though.

I don't know if most people remember when we had the Ebola Outbreak scare in 2015 but I remember the nationwide panic it caused... for nothing. This too shall pass, so honestly nothing has changed for me.

One of my coworkers keeps hitting on me, no matter how many times I tell him my relationship's complicated. Johnathan just doesn't get how I can say I'm in relationship if my boyfriend lives a day away.

And yes I know I said to Jay 'let's break up' but after a month of not speaking to him, I know that that's not what I really wanted. And based off his IG posts, that's not what he wants either. So I'm just playing everything by ear for now.

I texted him and told him that I booked my flight back for the beginning of March.

Finally coming home? -LOML

As if you missed me. I'm coming to get my stuff like I told you I would. -Grace

Yeah iight. Let's see if you actually leave -LOML

I could hear his smug ass through his messages. And not gone lie, it brought a small smile to my lips. I'd be one lying ass bitch if I said I didn't miss him. I miss our before, ya know? We weren't perfect but when we're good, we're perfect for each other.

To the outside looking in, we're probably one of the most toxic relationships ever to be seen, but from where I'm standing, we're just a regular couple that's had some unforeseen circumstances cause some unfortunate ones.

March 2020

I left for South Korea at the end of the second week of March. Oddly specific, I know, but it was Friday night when I left. I arrived at Incheon Airport early Sunday morning. The school I worked for was on Spring Break and though I wouldn't be back at the school on Monday, I'd be back by the next week.

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