Life After You

Chapter 4

I don't think there's a perfect definition to explain the love you have for someone you chose to let go. It depends on the person and the situation, maybe. Or maybe it's just that you had no other choice but to put an end to the never ending cycle with that person who once was your everything.

It's insane sometimes when you remember the most trivial things about that person even after so many years of not being in contact. Like their birthday, their favourite music or even better; their favourite colour! It's like no matter what you do or how much you try to forget all those years, it's as if all those things are permanently inked in your head.

In spite of all that, you still love that person even after all those years.

    Happy birthday! I hope you have a good day and year :)

After contemplating the whole night, I hit send and turn my phone off and grab a book to keep my mind off of the 'waiting' if he ever responds which is probably unlikely.

The next morning I don't bother turning my phone on for the day, I just do whatever I can to prevent myself from grabbing my phone and opening Instagram. It works for most of the day until my phone rings. I sigh and grab my phone to see my sister calling.

"What's up Merebelle?" My sister is a year younger to me and yes, my parents wanted us to have similar names or something common that was in both names like they planned not to have another child after us which still disappoints me.

"You haven't spoken all day. Wanted to see if things were okay." she says simply.

"Oh. sorry. Just didn't want to use the phone much." I say which isn't the entire truth but it isn't a lie either. It's not like she would tell on me to my parents, my sister has passed that age where she would annoyingly go give an update on everything I do but now she is more like my best friend. She doesn't share a lot like I do but I'm starting to understand why she doesn't.

"Trying to have self-control I see" she jokes, I laugh.

"Something like that. How are things?" I hate asking her that because she always responds with either 'good' or 'okay' and doesn't go any further but now, I just wanted the focus to be away from me because I'm scared I'll admit I actually texted him after all these years for his birthday when I didn't the past few years. She might wonder 'why now?' Hell, I've been wondering that since last night but I can't seem to come up with anything as to why I would do something after so long.

"I think I have a crush on someone" she admits and I feel my lips turning into a wide grin. I stay quiet even though inside I'm screaming 'YES!'

"Yeah? Is it okay if I ask who?" I make sure I don't sound too pushy because she telling me this is a big step itself and I don't want to go back to square one.

"You know him. He was in your class. I think you used to like him, I'm not sure..." she trails off while my heart begins to increase its pace. I used to like the guy who now she has a crush on?

"Okay. I'm gonna guess who. Hmm" I think back to the last year of highschool. The last grade I was in the school. There weren't many students; only 7 girls and 5 boys and as much as I remember I don't remember liking anyone that year. "Are you referring to Shawn?" I ask her with anticipation.

"Yeah." She admits and I almost laugh but clamp my mouth shut and make my way to the kitchen to drown a glass of water to prevent myself from laughing.

"I never liked him enough to date him but I did like him as a friend. He's changed though. I mean, I know he's still nice but he isn't quite like he used to be. He's different don't you think?" I say and then wonder what she saw in him to like him. The boy is nice, don't get me wrong but the last thing I remember of him was standing me up at a class when I was assigned to assist him on a paper for one whole period. When I found him in the science classroom with his friends, I questioned him but he just stayed silent which gave me the idea he wasn't going to turn up so I left. Talk about the end of something of a friendship.

"Yeah but he talked to me the other day. I still feel like he's the same. He just puts up an act or whatever when there's people around." She says, seeming convinced about knowing him more than I do.

"Okay then. Have you guys talked? Does he know you like him?" I ask and then instantly regret it when I feel like that was a question she might not be ready to answer.

"We don't really talk a lot...and no. I don't want him to know until I feel like whatever we're feeling is mutual." She tells me, quite boldly for someone who said, 'relationships suck and I think I have enough assurance after seeing how your only relationship took a toll on you. So, no thank you.' I laugh remembering the day she said it the first time I asked if she had any crushes on anybody in school. "What's funny about that?" Oh shit. She thinks I laughed at what she said.

"No, sorry, I didn't mean to laugh at what you said. I just remembered something you said about relationships and that made me laugh" I say hoping she isn't mad at me.

"Oh yeah. I'm not sure if we'd even date. It's just a crush and he doesn't even know I like him and I doubt he likes me or feels a fraction of what I feel for him." She says and I get the feeling that it's my turn to give 'relationship advice'.

"Okay but don't doubt yourself too much and if it's the insecurities that's making you doubt him, ignore them. They're never a good reason to stop yourself from believing when someone likes you." I say hoping it made sense to her because I've never given her advice especially when it comes to relationships.

"Alright. I have to go now. I'll text you if something happens?" I smile. She didn't mean to say that but she did and that makes me feel good about not giving up on our relationship because it is improving.

"Of course. Love you Merebelle" I say. She says 'love you too' quietly and then we hang up.

Right when the call ends I get a notification that makes my heart almost stop.

    Thank you! I hope you're doing alright too.

Is it possible for the heart to suddenly just keep banging on your chest just by a text message received from someone you haven't spoken to in ages?