Futile Wars

Chapter 9

We've been caught.

Ryan

I jump up as I hear Adam calling Brendon. Hide. Hide! But I look around me and I don't see anywhere I could go. Brendon is now standing too, but he appears to have frozen. I look over at him, waiting for him to do something, do anything, but he just stands there with a blank expression.

Brendon turns around to face the doorway and I look the same way, I don't want to, but I can't help myself.

"Brendon, I'm home early-"

And then he's there. Then I see Adam.

A 20-year-old guy comes into view. He's got blue eyes and black hair, which I doubt is his natural hair colour. He's got a brown jacket on, black jeans, a smile on his face and the worn out look of someone who's tired, but happy to be home. He's definitely the same guy I saw kissing Brendon and being kissed by Brendon in the pictures. I get to see his smile for a split second, and it's a beautiful smile, but then it dies.

Adam walks to the door with a smile as he sees Brendon. And then he sees me. I can feel his blue eyes burning me, I see his eyes stopping short, I can see Adam freeze. Brendon doesn't say anything. He doesn't move. Fuck, he has to say something, even the 'Honey, I can explain' would do. But Brendon remains silent.

The minutes drag on, days, months, although I know in reality it's just a second or two. Fuck.

"What is he doing here?" Adam finally speaks. I have never heard anyone speak with such coldness and blazing hatred at the same time.

I look at Brendon. Say something, you idiot! But he doesn't.

I quickly try to see the situation from Adam's point of view. He's been away. He comes back home to find Brendon there with Ryan. Ryan. Brendon is not even supposed to be talking to me. He's not supposed to have any contact with me. I am standing in their living room and I know I look guilty. I can see Brendon looking pretty fucking guilty too. We've been caught get red-handed.

I start talking.

"Hi. You must be Adam," I say and goddamn I sound like an idiot, "I, uh, I... I'm visiting Seattle... came here... for the day and I, uh... decided to check up on Brendon," I say.

I hope that was a convincing lie. Adam looks at me. There is disbelief and horror in his eyes.

"What is he doing here, Brendon?" Adam says in a tone that is struggling to understand, in a tone that is almost imploring. Brendon opens his mouth to speak, he looks over to me as if to explain why his ex-boyfriend is standing in their living room. His eyes connect with mine and his gaze makes me hang my head. Brendon looks shocked, sad, but most of all he just looks sorry.

Adam doesn't know anything. He doesn't know Brendon came to Vancouver, Adam doesn't know we've slept together, Adam doesn't know we've been hanging out for a few days. I need to minimise the damage here, though damage will occur in spite of all efforts.

"Yeah, I guess that's kind of my fault," I laugh a little (the fakest laugh I've ever heard) and take a step towards the door, a step closer to Brendon and Adam. "I wanted to see Brendon's new flat, so I, I, uh, asked Brendon to show me it. Got some Chinese on the way. So. We just got here."

I hope my hair no longer is wet from the shower. I hope Brendon's isn't either. I don't want Adam thinking we showered together. I don't want Adam to realise we've been here for hours, talking, crying, kissing. I hope I haven't left any marks on Brendon's skin, bite marks, nails marks. I hope to fucking god we can pull this off.

I don't know what to do, so I keep talking. "This is a nice flat you've-"

"Would you SHUT THE FUCK UP?! I wasn't talking to you!" Adam yells and directly addresses me for the first time. "Can't you just leave us alone?! Won't you ever fucking die?! You're not wanted here! You have no right to be here!" he shouts and I realise he's crying. "Brendon, tell him to leave."