superheroes. » 5sos au [slow updates]

in order to be a teenage superhero

Ashton » Smash

even though i was born a super by a super family (literally), i'm still not adjusted to being a teenage superhero.

it's weird.

it's difficult.

it takes a lot of patience i don't have.

it's a lot of work.

you never get to sit down and relax.

there's always an old lady who needs to get her cat, that just happened to climb up the tallest damn tree in the city.

people think you're royalty in a way. that's not necessarily a bad thing, but i'm not royalty.

in order to be a superhero, you:

» have to have patience!!!!!
- if you have none, you're fucked, honestly.

» have to change fast.
- this is actually one of the hardest things to do. our superhero "costumes" are spandex. all fucking spandex. it's tight at the balls. i don't know about girls and their tits, but it's way too tight for the guys. changing fast is a talent you achieve when you become a superhero.

» have to super parent(s), obviously.
- if you're a non-super who ends up finding out about supers, you get your powers bestowed by calum's dad. it honestly all depends on if the creator of powers finds you trustworthy, which, according to the creator of powers, means their level of capability.
- if you have two super parents, you either get both of their powers or none. ninety-five percent of the time, the child gets both. if you only have one super parent, you only get one power. it's rare that a single super and non-super have offspring, considering the rules we have.

» have a kick-ass superhero name.
- i'm a prime example of a kick-ass superhero name. smash. that's a double-entendre; i'm a human-sized hulk that can punch through metal walls (i mean, it might take two punches, but nonetheless). i can also smash any girl with, like, four thrusts (personal experience). but i digress. your superhero name is what's on cereal boxes, your costume, and it's your identity to others.
- for example, michael's name is a prime example of what not to have as your superhero name. mike-ro-wave? who names themselves mike-ro-wave? especially a name that'll haunt you forever like his. (i'm just messing with mike. love that hair-dye loving kid.)

» have to be good with kids.
- kids will look up to you. you're their hero. they idolize you. if you don't take pictures with them or something else they want, they'll probably go all buddy on you (incredibles reference, anyone?).

» have to hide your accent/voice.
- nobody can recognize you with the mask (they can't see our eyes but we can still see) and the costume, but somebody could recognize your voice. normally, the saying is "the eyes are the window to the soul"; to superheroes, it's "the eyes are the window to your doom."
- if somebody were to figure out who you were, you have to take them back to superhero headquarters. there's a drastically long process after that. we have our own superhero judge judy. (it's honestly kind of cool. the judge's power is mimicry, so she sounds like judge judy.)

» have to have patience.
- this is so important that it had to be mentioned twice.

» can't tell anyone about your powers.
- you can go to superhero jail for telling someone about your powers or get your powers taken away.
- superhero jail doesn't sound fun at all, okay? the entire building disables your powers. every single ounce of power. the only people who still have their powers are the guards and staff.
- losing your powers, on the other hand, doesn't sound fun at all. the only person who can take it away is the creator of powers; the only person who can give it back is the creator of powers.

» can't piss off the creator of powers.
- as said before, the only person who can take away your powers is him, and he doesn't think twice about punishing you if you annoy the piss out of him. i think it's kind of stupid, but i say any worse than that.

» can't take your powers for granted.
- get cocky with your powers? get your powers taken away.
- use your powers wrong? get your powers taken away.
- disobey the rules of superheroes? you get the point.

» have to be able to save people (obviously).
- if you're a lazy person outside of work (being a superhero), you can't be lazy when it comes to work.
- get the job done, and then, you can bullshit all you want.

the rest of the rules are reiterating what previous ones have said, so i gave you the most important and basic ones. follow all these rules and advice, and you'll survive as a superhero.

good luck.

»

i'm excited for my own story. is that acceptable?

thank you so much for 63+ [i forgot and im too lazy to check?????] reads. i love you guys so much!!!!!!!

ok gotta go bye

love

gaby [g-string is my superhero name lmao ((jk))]