Counting Paths

Chapter 7.

It's seven in the morning when I wake up to the sound of Kenya and Mary-Katherine getting ready to leave. They invite me for their early breakfast at a diner, and I thank them but say no. Kevin asks if I want a cup of coffee when he realizes that I will be staying with him this morning. Another no, thank you. The girls leave and Kevin and I are alone.

"You can go back to sleep," he tells me. "I'll be in the other room."

"Uh, I'm going to the mall with Roland, remember?"

He keeps his face blank. "You're still going with him?"

"Yeah. He said he would take me...unless you think he's changed his mind."

He shakes his head. "No. I think he's just gonna be a little surprised."

"Why?"

"Because you're here. Ain't you mad at him?"

I shrug. "Yesterday I was mad at him, today I still am but not like before. I think we're both in a better place to talk about it."

He chuckles dryly. "You have too much faith in Roland."

Roland

Sterling smells like coconut butter with the faintest hint of men's deodorant. I know this because her scent is in my bed, on my couch, and in the spare room. It bothered me to the point that I had to sleep in the "hospital." But the damn bed only feels comfortable when a body part is actually broken.

But I fall asleep-somehow.

And I wake up to my name being called.

"Boss!" Kevin's voice echoes from down a wall. Moments later, as I sit up in bed, the door opens. "Bos-Hey, why you in here?"

I rub the sleep out of my right eye. "Passed out in here by accident," I lie. "What are you doing here? Where's the kid?"

"Downstairs. I told her to wait there. She still wants you to take her to the mall."

"No, fuck that. It's too early."

"Well, she's downstairs."

I nod and push off the hospital bed.

I'm glad I took a shower last night. I just know if Sterling saw that I was still wearing the same clothes and smelt the same, she wouldn't let me hear the end of it. She's fucking annoying like that. I find a bathroom, brush my teeth, and rinse my face. I go back to my room and put on a shirt before heading downstairs.

Kevin's in the kitchen making what looks like mango smoothies. He gives me a look that asks, "what happened to it being too early?" And my hand twitches to give him the finger. I find Sterling in the living room sitting at the bay window, reading James And The Gaint Peach. She looks up from her book as I approach her and sit down on the edge of the seat, next to her feet. 

"I'm..." I swallow. "I'm sorry," I tell her, and I see her smile from the corner of my eye. "Sometimes I forget what you went through because...because you never show it. You joke around, you laugh and smile, you do shadow puppets just cause you're bored, you get happy over pizza, you..." I sigh and shake my head. "You act like your only problem in this world is me, so I-"

"That's not true," she argues.

I look at her. "That's bullshit-"

"I know you don't like me." She puts down the book and moves so she's sitting next to me with the sides of our bodies touching. "I know I annoy you-like a lot." She laughs softly to herself. "But at least you're honest about it. And I don't think you would ever hit me-"

I wince. "Think?"

"Before you took me to the hospital...at the police station..."

Both times I put my hands on her. I didn't hit her, but I did grab her and caused her pain. I open my mouth, freeze as my thought blend into a mess, then I close my mouth and let my head hang low between my shoulders. I try to breathe. "Are you afraid of me?"