A Murderer's Guide to Fake Dating

01. there's a dead body in the bathroom

It's confirmed. The universe hates me. There's a dead body in the bathroom and I'm partially responsible for the rotting body slumped in the corner. As if that's not worse, the bathroom door swings open. I swear I've locked it, but before I can slam the door shut, my Work Nemesis™ steps through the door. 

"What the hell?" Jack Lim deadpans, looking at the dead body. There's black blood slowly dripping down the toilet seat, but more disturbingly, Jack looks unfazed by the sight of his dead co-worker. 

Whenever Jack and I passive-aggressively argue about work-related stuff, Jack always looks like he wants to strangle me. Wrapping his hands around my throat and squeezing until I black out. Hiding my body in his black Audi. Bringing me to his mansion, where his guest room is filled with other dead people who have pissed him off in the past. 

Maybe I'm right after all. Maybe Jack really does have a guest room filled with spare body parts and that's why he's not freaking out over the dead body like I am. 

Suddenly, Jack swings his serial killer whiskey-colored eyes toward me and my heart seizes up. His gaze is a laser beam, prepared to kill. "Isla. Why is there a dead body in the bathroom?" 

That's an excellent question. 

Two hours earlier: 

By tonight, I'm going to become a girlfriend. More specifically, Aiden White's girlfriend, where I'll get to see his radiant smile directed at me. Every morning, we'll go on coffee dates and we'll share an iced coffee and a croissant sandwich. Then we'll walk to work, our fingers intertwined and when he gives my hand the briefest squeeze, my heart will wobble around like egg yolk. 

During our staff dinner, I'm anxiously waiting for Aiden to make his move. My body won't stop moving, wracked with nerves. When I grab my drink, my hand trembles. When I look down, my knee jiggles nonstop. When I reach for a piece of cheesecake, I nearly drop the slice. 

"Isla, you okay?" Aiden asks, right as I swallow an ice cube. I begin coughing aggressively and across from us, Jack looks disturbed. 

I wave a hand around to signal that I'm fine, but in truth, I'm dying inside. The ice cube painfully lumps down my throat and I burn with embarrassment. 

"So," I say, turning to Aiden. Let's tuck this embarrassing moment away. "When are you confessing to your crush?" Or let's tuck the Ice Cube Incident away with another embarrassing moment. 

Now it's Aiden's turn to pink. Oh heavens, that's cute. Fun fact: every detail about Aiden's crush, I put in my mental Google Docs. Here's what I know so far. She keeps to-do lists. She's obsessed with romance movies. She's organized and cute and her name starts with "I." 

After the "I" hint, I started seeing Aiden in a different light. 

"Today," Aiden says and mentally, I hit Enter in my Google Docs. Confirmed. Aiden confessing to me. October 13. 

"Really?" I struggle to keep my voice casual. "Well whoever she is, she'll probably say yes. You're really nice. And cute. And funny." 

How distressing. I sound like an idiot. 

"Thanks," laughs Aiden, before he abruptly stands up. "I'm going to do it." 

My jaw drops. Here? Now? It's so sudden that my mind goes blank when Aiden begins addressing our fellow colleagues. I'm so shocked that I even let my gaze wander across from me. Jack frowns at me. Pathetic, his eyes say. Absolutely pathetic. 

A mistake. I refuse to let someone like Jack ruin the romantic scene, so I swivel toward Aiden and force myself to pay attention. "There's a person here who I really like," Aiden announces and people are excited.